Well folks, exams are underway. In fact my first exam is on Thursday. So I’m in study mode, so there’s not much room for my mind to wander. So chances are I’ll be posting less. Yeah, I know you’re be disappointed. Reading my blog is one of the few pleasures in your miserable life. But don’t worry. I’ll be back to regular posting in two flicks of a cat’s tail.
Took this quiz a while back. This one particularly interested me, as it promised to tell you of your vices. But what sins could a spotless being like me possibly be capable of? Let’s see.
Your Deadly Sins |
Greed: 40% Pride: 40% Wrath: 20% Envy: 0% Gluttony: 0% Lust: 0% Sloth: 0% Chance You’ll Go to Hell: 14% You will die love and feared by many. And you’ll be buried in a tomb. |
Well, I knew about Greed and Pride, but Wrath is new to me. I’m a pretty calm guy (on the outside anyway). I love that prediction of my future. Sounds rather grandiose wouldn’t you say?
I was checking my site stats sometime last week, and after following a Google hit, I somehow encountered a site where I could get my own British aristocratic title. So I, having always thought highly of myself, decided to give it a shot. Who wouldn’t want a fancy royal title? It’s the ultimate ego boost. Here’s my result.
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My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Emperor Leon the Confused of Lower Bumhampton Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title |
Here’s my analysis of my title. The emperor part was pretty cool. No lame Duke, Sir or Lord. I’m the boss. Just straight up power, UNLIMITED POWER!!! The confused part? Well, I guess that applies, as I tend to be a bit absent-minded. But that part that really irks me is the “Lower Bumhampton” part. (Couldn’t they make me Emperor of Upper Bumhampton at least?)
You’d expect me to make an ass crack wouldn’t you, but I…oh too late. Might as well. Being emperor doesn’t seem so great when you’re ruler of a place like that. The people must be asses. Well as Milton wrote, better to be a ruler in Hell than a servant in Heaven. And besides, I don’t mind being the butt of a cruel jokes every now and again. Heh.
P.S. Just a random thought. Is there such a thing as a bisexual hermaphrodite?
I’m not particularly in the mood for a post today, but rather for a fun little diversion. (After all, blogging becomes a chore if you don’t have fun with it.) So I took a fun little quiz and I decided to share it with you. It asks you, if you were in a blizzard, how likely you are to cannibalize your buddies. It’s sick, morbid and utterly disturbing. Totally what I’m into (minus the cannibalism part). Needless to say, I took it, and here are my results:
Higher than I expected, but hey, desperate times. After all I am a fan of Tom Harris’ work, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Why do I have a feeling that I’ll be invited to less and less group trips?
Just out of sheer curiosity, I decided to check my blog’s reading level, just to see if my content is easily read or above the heads of my readers. Here’s the result:
Well now I know it’s readable, but elementary school is a bit below my expectations. My writing isn’t that juvenile, is it?
I’m glad to say that after my absence, my site stats are now back to normal. Google has been sending me some great traffic, with many searches for thoughts on Christmas and the infamous light bulb scandal landing people here. I also realize that my site is being searched for by name, as I’ve seen “my thoughts on” show up a fair amount of times. But along with this, some strange searches have landed people here lately. Terms such as “Jamaican school porn,” “UWI girls gone wild,” “Immaculate girl video Jamaica” and the like show up frequently. They’re obviously searching for the sex tape involving those slutty UWI girls (which validates my theory of UWI being filled with freaks, closet freaks and potential freaks) and the now legendary “Bluetooth Express.”
But there was one search that particularly caught my eye. Someone actually searched for “faecal porn.” It really takes all kinds doesn’t it? Well my friend, I suggest you search for “2girls1cup.” I refuse to link to that site because I do not want to traumatize my readers. Nothing could prepare me for the indescribable horror I experienced once I clicked that link. It’s been months since I’ve seen that sickening video and no matter how I try, I still can’t get it out of my head. Oh great. I know people are gonna visit that damn site, and this post is gonna draw more porn hits. Guess it can’t be helped. Hopefully those lonely, sex-crazed youngsters will forget about their fapping long enough to read my fine posts. Hey, it could happen!
Yesterday morning, I took a stroll over Shonari’s blog. There he wrote about someone stealing content from his financial blog. So I, just out of curiosity, decided to check Copyscape to see if anyone was stealing my content. I check every now and again, but the only results I normally get are my own feeds. But not today. I found some loser had copied the bulk of my post on Marion Jones, and fused it with one from my name-esis, Leon, on the same topic. They say “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” Well I was not flattered. And what pissed me off the most is that they didn’t even have the decency to link back to me, or at least acknowledge that I wrote it. I would’ve been cool with that. But no, this person gets both our well thought out and carefully constructed posts, scrunches them together with the finesse of The Hulk and has the audacity to pass them off as his/her own!
I immediately alerted Leon, hoping that we may launch a co-ordinated assault on him/her. An hour or so later, I fought out that he pulled a Dubya and launched a pre-emptive strike on his blog. I planned to join in, but studying for a Decision Science test (my most challenging subject) and the demands of Circle K quickly ate up what little time I had. So it decided to post about it today. But when I checked, lo and behold, the incriminating posts were missing! No surprise. We Leons are pretty intimidating. I mean why do you think Leonidas was such a badass? Still, I do feel robbed of my chance to put in my few punches by sending some hate traffic over there when the evidence was in full view. But if you stroll over to it’s cached page on Copyscape, you’ll probably still see them. So boys and girls, the lesson of this story is, DON’T F**K WITH MY BLOG!
The Transformers movie left theatres a while back, but I’ve been trying to book an interview with its star, the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime, for months before its release. I got through, but I had to wait sometime because I’m a *cough* nobody. I finally got my interview last week. Here’s how it went.
I walk onto the Paramount lot, asking for Optimus. A guy points me to his “trailer,” which I find quite odd, as Optimus is a trailer himself. I walk to an airplane hangar, where I see a trailer, which quickly transforms.
Optimus: Where’s the damn oil? I sent you…oh. Who are you?
I’m instantly awed by the size and the magnificence of my childhood idol, and the coolest giant robot ever. (Screw you Gundams.) I’m so starstruck I can’t even speak.
Optimus: Another groupie huh? It never ends. (Returns to trailer mode.)
Leon: No, wait! I’m the blogger that’s supposed to interview you!
Optimus: Oh. The Yardie with the blog. (Returns to Autobot mode.) Well, if it weren’t for all the buzz generated by you nerds in message boards, YouTube, and of course, blogs, Transformers wouldn’t be such a smash. So here’s my way of giving back. Hurry up though.
(Ok. I’ll be insulted later.)
Leon: Ok Mr. Prime…
Optimus: Please! Call me “the O.”
(Guess a giant robot’s gotta have a giant ego.)
Leon: Yes, “the O,” how did it feel like being on the big screen?
Optimus: Oh it felt great! The other Transformers and I were really glad that we finally got the recognition we deserved, that we got a chance to reconnect with our fans and make new ones. If we knew our death threat would work so well on Michael Bay, we’d have done it years ago.
Leon: What?!
Optimus: (Scrap that or I’m coming for you too.)
Leon: Riiight. How was life after the original Transformers TV show?
Optimus: Man it was awful. Back in the 70s and 80s, we were THE giant robots. Every auto part company on the planet wanted to sponsor us. Every toy company wanted a piece of the gold mine that was our action figures. You have no idea how many sports cars we slept with, the nights we spent sniffing NOS off the hoods of Aston Martins and Ferraris. And of course there was my greatly publicized relationship with Halle Bentley. Man, that was quite a woman. Every man and his dog knew who we were. We were far more famous than any of these “celebutantes” the media keeps wasting time on. A million dollars was like small change to us. But after the original show ended, things were never the same. We lost everything. The fame, the fortune, and the women. Oh, the women! Some of the guys lost their women to Gundams. Those damn upstart Gundams. And I…lost Halle to Voltron! (Weeps openly.)
Leon: It’s ok Optimus.
Optimus: As I was saying, we had to perform various odd jobs to survive. I hauled goods of course, Jazz became a taxi. Not a very good one, as being the “black” Autobot, he kept getting pulled over. Starscream and Megatron joined the army. They’re being tried by court-martial, as some of their fellow officers were killed by “friendly fire.” And Bumblebee, was “giving rides around town,” if you know what I mean. It was painful. I mean you’re on top of the world, the next minute, you’re nothin.’ Fame’s a cruel mistress kid.
Leon: You’ve told me of your descent. Now, about your return to fame.
Optimus: Well, we got called back for Beast Wars in the late 90s, and the whole Armada and Energon business later on, but just it wasn’t the same.
Leon: And what about that Brokebot Mountain business? I understand KITT was your love interest.
Optimus: It’s not something I’m proud of, but I just wanted to get a taste of the limelight again. Oh, and did you hear about me running for Governor of California? I was going to make eradicating the Decepticons my platform, but I got beat by some porn star with big boobs.
Leon: Juggs are a powerful force to contend with. How was it working with the Deceptions after all these years? Did your relationship change?
Optimus: No, though Megatron was pissed that he was being turned into an “alien spaceship.” They probably did that to prevent loss of life during one of his hissyfits.
Leon: Megatron? A prima donna?
Optimus: Yeah. He’s just as obnoxious in real life as he is on the big screen. Both of us were vying for top billing, as the original title was to be “Optimus vs. Megatron,” to shift the focus to us. But after several contract re-negotiations, and major set damage, they stuck with the tried and true.
Leon: How was it like working with actual human beings?
Optimus: Besides watching where you step, alright. But I think they were confused as to who the real stars were. (Exhales deeply.) And to think, me, a Cybertronian immigrant, who crashlanded to Earth with nothing, achieved this!
Leon: Any spoilers for Transformers 2?
Optimus: That’s all you’ll get outta me kid. Unless you suddenly change your name to Ryan Seacrest and shrink two inches, I’m not saying anything else to you. Now if you’ll excuse me, Eva Maseratti is waiting in my trailer.
Your Chances of Being a Multimillionaire: 92% |
 It’s almost certain you’ll be a multimillionaire. Just keep doing what you’re doing.You are good with money, a creative thinker, and an ethical person. You might be the next Donald Trump! |
Will You Be a Multimillionaire?
You Are Dasher |
 You’re an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules.Why You’re Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year Why You’re Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents. |
Which of Santa’s Reindeer Are You?
Cool. At least I’m not Rudolph. I’ve had enough teasing as a kid, thank you very much.
The blog that mixes current events with relentless cynicism and blatant sarcasm. Enjoy!
