My thoughts…on stuff

I encountered an article while surfing the Net the other day that shocked me to the core. I shared it with a friend of mine, and he had the same reaction, and all my fellow males probably will. Seems like scientists, more than likely women pissed at their asshole boyfriends, created artificial sperm cells from stem cells from bone marrow. That’s right guys. We will soon become OBSOLETE! I think this is the first time in my life where I’ve wanted to halt the rapid progress of technology. Now I know how unskilled workers feel. I don’t know why I haven’t heard more of this in the media. Why hasn’t anyone complained about this? People will protest about cloning, but not about the key to the extinction of men?

I can see it now. Women, tired of the injustices we men have imposed on them over the years, would use their reproductive and seductive powers to dominate us. They would deny us sex unless we were sterilized, and use artifical sperm to reproduce, tampering with the DNA to take the fight out of us so we won’t revolt. The original males would die out, and man would become a docile and subservient race. Then the domination of women would be complete. (C’mon. You know they’ve been trying to take over.) The world would be a peaceful utopia, and you know we can’t let that happen! So I propose that we destroy this technology! Screw the benefits to lesbian couples and sterile men! It’ll take three to five years for them to develop mature sperm cells, so we have plenty of time. Ok, fine. Maybe I’m letting my imagination get the best of me, but it takes away some of men’s power. If you women don’t understand, imagine if you were all replaced by the Stepford Wives?

Sorry about my recent absences guys. Its just that I have exams now, I’ve been studying like crazy. But don’t worry. Exams finish tomorrow, so I should be back on schedule then. Here’s an interesting bit of news I heard the other day. Archaeologists say that prehistoric man had sex for fun, and stuff like group sex, transvestism, bondage and sex which we modern man thought we came up with actually originated with them. Looks like Fred and Barney were just as freaky as us. They’ve found a 30,000 year old statue of a naked woman (the first sex symbol) and a stone phallus around the same age (the first dildo) in a German cave (where else?).

I wonder if they’ve got a cave drawing of the act. That would make it the first porno movie. But I don’t think those scientists should congratulate themselves too much. Sure, our ancient ancestors weren’t exactly brain surgeons, but they should’ve had enough sense to understand the pleasures of sex. And Og probably stuck his skin club into every fleshy crevice he could find, in search of that pleasure. Besides, they had to find something to do while hiding in caves trying not to get eaten by dinos. Hopefully news of this will help the Geico cavemen get some tail, after all the emotional distress they’ve been through.

Tired of the same old Earth? Want a bigger, better Earth, with new frontiers to explore? Well wait no longer! Introducing Earth 2.0, now with pop-up blocker! It’s been the biggest news story since Virginia Tech. A new earth like planet, Gliese 581 C, has been located outside the solar stystem, in the constellation Libra. It is 50% larger than Earth, may have a rocky surface like Earth’s and may have liquid water on its surface. Screw Al Gore and his global warming talk! We’ve got a backup world now, so when this one is destroyed, (which is almost certain due to corporate greed and public indifference) we can take the nearest starship to that one and begin its destruction!

But curb your enthusiasm for a minute. All this excitement over this new world, yet no one has considered the fact that there may be aliens over there. There may be giant killer bugs there like in Starship Troopers, big headed Martianesque aliens like in Mars Attacks!, or Orion slave girls like in Star Trek…with killer STDs, dozens of times more potent than what Paris Hilton’s got festering in her crotch right now! It’s 20.5 light years away, so were not gonna be visiting there any time soon. In fact, there’s a very strong possibility that our descendants will explore that strange new world, that is, unless humanity destroys itself first. Let’s hope we develop warp drive before we’re forced to evolve gills.

And another thing, Gliese 581 C orbits its sun every 13 days, so in a standard Earth year, you’d be 28 years older! Gonna be awkward for people living on that planet. The kids won’t mind, as they’ll have a birthday every fortnight. Plus it’s scientists’ job to dish out theories, probabilities and other impractical junk just to justify the massive budgets they get. I’ve heard tons of exciting news about possible scientific breakthroughs, but I’ve rarely seen any of them become reality. So until I set foot on that planet (which I probably won’t), I’ll file this in the “What if?” section.

We all know what happened to Pluto the other day. The once 9th planet was deemed unfit to be called a planet and was reduced to dwarf planet status. Now, after recovering from the sting of that decision, it’s been given another bitchslap by those stargazing nerds. The Minor Planet Center has assigned Pluto a new name, one fitting of its new status. And that is…134340. Hey, that’s my Blogger password! Oops.

Talk about adding insult to injury. You’re probably asking why do I care? Well I have a tendency to pick up for the underdog. Plus I’m a bit of stargazer, so I actually care about the little ball of ice. (I bet you’d care more if it were Pluto the dog huh?) That must suck big time. To go from being named after the Roman god of death to some generic number. If I were Pluto, I mean 134340, I’d be plotting a collision course with Earth right now.

I came across a most interesting article the other day, which states that redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany. The study by Hamburg Sex Researcher Professor Dr. Werner Habermehl looked at the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared them with their hair colour, saying “The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair colour, with more partners and having sex more often than the average”. Hmm. I guess that explains why Lindsay Lohan can’t stay monogamous. Hey, don’t quarrel with me. She said it herself. Guess the term “fiery redhead” not only refers to their hair, but their blood as well. He also said that women who dyed their hair to red from another colour were signaling their desire for a partner, even if they were in a steady relationship. So guys, if your girlfriend dyes her hair red, watch out.

Psychologist Christine Baumanns said that women may not be the ones to blame for the better sex lives of redheads (Yes Miss Baumanns. It’s the men’s fault). She said that: “Red stands for passion and when a man sees a redhead he will think he is dealing with a woman who won’t mess around, and gets straight to the point when it comes to sex.” I think this study may have an understated margin of error. He did study German women, and European women are some of the freakiest on the planet (not that I’ve had the pleasure).

On Wednesday, President Bush vetoed a bill to fund stem cell research. The veto was the first of his presidency, and would set back stem cell research several years. Bush cited morality as the grounds for his decision. According to polls, most Americans disagree with him. Great, another reason for the Americans to dislike him. I swear, Stalin gets more love than Bush. This has re-ignited the issue of stem cell research. Its proponents argue that it has the potential to save millions from several life threatening diseases. Its most famous proponents are the late Christopher Reeve and Micheal J. Fox. Some of them only care if America beats other countries in stem cell research. Real unselfish guys. Opponents say that because stem cells are extracted from embryos, which are destroyed in the process, it’s really an act of murder. This also has the potential to re-ignite the abortion debate, as to what is the proper definition of “life.”

People are very vocal about this issue, and the voices grow louder and louder each day. Some say Bush is doing this to pander to the Christian right. Some say Bush should be more concerned with oil prices and the war in Iraq, being fought by fully grown embryos. And others think this is typical Bush stupidity. But in his defense, he does support adult stem cell research. I’m a pro-lifer, but I disagree with Bush’s veto. Abortion is wrong, as there are more humane alternatives such as adoption. But in today’s throwaway society, who cares? It’s an inconvenience, so get rid of it. Then justify your action by not calling it life. Sorry, had to get that off my chest. If the foetuses are going to be discarded, then why not use them to save a few lives? Stem cell research as the potential to be one of the greatest medical breakthroughs since penicillin, and must be pursued. But at what cost? I guess it all comes down to whether or not you think one life for another is a fair trade.