My thoughts…on stuff

It’s time again. Another year to celebrate my existence on this planet. Today I’m 22 years of age, and I’m feeling great. Not because I’ve gotten any fancy presents or anything. In fact, I got nothing. Not today anyway. Don’t really care. I’m a big boy anyway.

What I am happy about is that I can feel that I’m making progress in my life. Not as much as I’d want, but I can feel that I’m in greater control of the course of my life. I’m accomplishing the things I want to accomplish, my talents are being appreciated, and I may actually realise my dreams! Whodathunkit? So unlike the majority of the adults in the world, I won’t be bitter because I failed at life, I’ll be bitter because I just hate people.

Many of my classmates are becoming successful already, or the makings of success are apparent in them. So I guess I have competition, or a good network, whichever way you choose to look at it. So, for now, I’m an adult who’s happy with the way his life is going. Will this optimism continue? Stay tuned.

I know that it’s my birthday, but you my readers, will get the presents! I promise a new post EVERY day this week.

P.S. I’d like to take a moment to tip my hat to a good friend, Errol “Geri” Ross, who recently passed away. His passing is one of the reasons I’m happy. (Don’t think that way you sickos!) His passing has again taught me the value of life, and to take time to enjoy the good things you have, instead of making yourself miserable by measuring yourself against the Rockfellers of the world. R.I.P. Errol. We’ll miss you.      

As we all know, today is April 1st, or, more commonly called, April Fool’s Day. I was busy websurfing at school this morning when it hit me. Then I said, “Oh crap. It’s April Fool’s Day.” Then I sat back and took stock of what I just said. When did April Fool’s become a bother for me? I know I was more often the prankee than the pranker, but how could I not love the one time of the year where you’re supposed to act like an immature ass?  Guess I’m getting old, at the ripe old age of 21 (which will all change soon :)).

Up to posting I haven’t been pranked, but it has been difficult. I’ve had to up my personal terror alert from “War on Terror paranoia” orange to “the voices in my head tell me you’re out to get me!” red. I can trust no one and nothing, especially websites. I’ll have to sate my hunger for knowledge on the latest and greatest until tommorow. As for getting Rick Rolled, I’m not at all worried about that. You just need to mouseover the link, and if its a YouTube link, chances point to yes.

As for pranking anyone, I’m fresh out of material. I mean what could I do that no one else has done? That time when my site’s bandwidth was maxed out. Boy, that would’ve made a helluva prank huh? Wonder why I never thought of it before. Aww well. Check out FARK’s links to April Fool’s pranks on the Internet as well as a list of online April’s Fool’s pranks over the years.

P.S. Akismet broke 3,000 spams caught over the weekend. Suck it spammers!

Before I begin, just wanna explain my absence. I had a big test today for a much feared subject, so I really needed to study. Plus I had to type up a project for Mum.

We all know about the war in Iraq, but there’s been another war that’s been waged for much longer. (Hard to believe ain’t it?) A battle almost as epic as Good vs. Evil, Jedi vs. Sith and Mick Jagger vs. Death. Pirates vs. Ninjas. It’s said that Vikings wanna get in on the action, but they don’t count in my opinion. Viking is really a subcategory of pirate. And three’s a crowd anyway. It has been going on centuries, and has been waged both in the shadows and beyond the realms of civilized society. So much so that it has become a myth, and has been trivialized as an “Internet meme.” But for those of us who know better, the question still remains, who would win?

It may be all the Naruto I’ve been watching, but I say ninjas, and nothing can convince me otherwise, not even Keira Knightley. Here’s why I think ninjas are superior:

Stealth: In battle, the element of surprise is crucial. And who has the element of surprise more than a ninja? In fact, a ninja’s entire purpose is tied to the art of stealth, whether it be espionage, sabotage or assassination. A pirate is about as as subtle as a 9 on the Richter scale.

Intelligence: Let’s face it, ninjas are just plain smarter. They’re very clever and take a tactical approach to completing their missions. You’d have to be to escape the enemy, especially when the enemy were usually samurai. Pirates are drunk half the time.

Martial Arts: Need I say any more? Unless he has brute strength, a pirate isn’t of much use without a weapon. I’ve never met a pirate that can paralyze you with a finger. But a ninja can, and finish you off so fast that you’ll see the Pearly Gates before you can even retaliate.

Weaponry: From smoke bombs to shuriken, Ninjas had a lot more creative weaponry than pirates. Most diversionary than lethal, but an impressive arsenal nonetheless.

Depth Perception: Sure an eye patch makes you look a little badass, but no depth perception will make things a bit tougher in battle. And unlike pirates, ninjas have a spare just in case they lose an eye.

Better Health and Hygiene: Ninjas are much healthier than pirates. Never heard of a ninja being taken out by scurvy. Plus they smell better. Pirates went weeks without bathing. Ewww.

No hindrances/annoyances: Pirates have peglegs and hooks. All a ninja has to do is to release a colony of termites onto a pirate ship and they’re done for! As for the hooks, the sea water would take care of them. A ninja would rather commit seppuku than walk around with furniture parts for limbs. And no damn annoying parrot.

Origin: Ninjas come from Japan, the home of anime, sushi, katanas, origami, wicked cool games and other cool crap, that automatically makes them cool. (I’m an Otaku, so you have to see with me.)

I know I’ve already stated my bias, but I have to at least appear objective. Here are the few things I rate about pirates:

Style: Pirates had loads. While ninjas wore black or dark clothing, pirates weren’t afraid to show off the fancy threads and bling acquired from their ill-gotten gains.

Strength in numbers: A pirate rarely if ever travels alone, so he always has backup. I don’t care how good a ninja is, chances are he couldn’t take out an entire pirate crew. So if a ninja takes out a pirate, he’d better be a fast mofo or his buddies will send him to Davy Jones Locker.

Talk Like A Pirate Day: Sad to say, ninjas do not have their own special day. Someone needs to look into that. I suggest that my ninja brethren take September 19 from the pirates if the battle is ever won.

Alcohol: Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum indeed. Pirates did more damage to their livers than the average frat boy.

Women: Think booty only meant treasure? Pirates had many wenches from many exotic locales, and could set sail if any complications arose. No child support here! Don’t see how they could be attracted to these smelly bastards. Must’ve been the money. Guess some things never change.

Money: Loot, loot, bounteous loot! Sacks and chests full of gold were a pirate’s sole motivation. Honour? Discipline? Ha! Screw the rules, we have money!

Accent: A pirate’s accent is kinda cool. Kinda as in if you try it in public, you’ll look like a complete moron. “Aye, matey!” “Avast, me hearties!” “Ye’ll walk the plank, ye scurvy bilge rat!” A ninja’s…well, they are supposed to be silent killers.

Freedom: Ninjas never had as much fun as pirates. Getting drunk with your buds on the open sea, having casual sex with hot chicks on shore leave, plundering and doing whatever the hell else you want! It’s like a guys’ night out gone terribly wrong (or terribly right depending on how you look at it).

That final point almost puts pirates over the top, but ninjas are, have and will always be more awesome than ninjas. So…what do you think?

Have you noticed that websites nowadays, especially in this age of “Web 2.0″, have some of the dumbest names ever conceived by man? I mean they are totally illogical. You can’t look at them and tell what the site is about. Do you know what Zorpia is about, or Wakoopa? Bebo? Plaxo? Trulia? And my all time favourite, Qoolsqool? Back in the day, domain names were logical. Amazon, Google (which, contrary to popular belief, is an actual word), eBay, etc.

It seems like nowadays, with websites being sold for millions, sometimes billions of dollars, and the Internet growing each day, site owners place less emphasis on creativity. They no longer try to sell the brand through the domain, but just slap on some random name. I guess they do this by throwing a bunch of Scrabble tiles together and choosing the arrangement that makes sense, or doing it the easy way by dropping the last vowel or inserting a bunch of periods (e.g. Flickr and Del.icio.us). Or maybe they can’t, as all the choice domains have already been taken.

After spending all of two minutes deciding this name, they simply add a social element to it  (to pander to the millions who have nothing better to do with their lives) and watch the big bucks roll in! I guess they’re following the bigger sites with dumb names that have been big successes, like Del.icio.us. Yeah. I’m dissing Del.icio.us. Good site, worth truckloads, but the name’s still dumb. This isn’t bound to stop anytime soon, because as I said before, the thought of one’s site blossoming into a cash cow is too much to resist, even if your site’s name sounds like an exotic disease.

It’s February 14th. People are showing each other false affection. The world is awash in a sickening shade of red. There’s no mistaking it. It’s Valentine’s Day. All my longtime readers know that I truly, unequivocally, despise this holiday. But it’s a bit bearable this year, as the subprime crisis seems to have dampened consumer spending, so you don’t see as much annoying Valentine’s ads on cable. It seems to have affected us here as well. Little or no remittance means less spending. Thank you God!

And don’t write me off as some bitter single man who can’t get a Valentine. I actually have a girlfriend. She’s a bit angry at me ’cause I didn’t get her anything last year, and I was supposed to make it up this year. But I couldn’t as I have some serious college expenses to take care of, so I can’t afford to waste it on any overpriced stuffed animals right now. Just my luck. She’s into Valentine’s Day, so I had to spend a couple minutes explaining my situation to her. She was only appeased when I said I’d make it up to her some other day. Terrific.

Yesterday some of my buds were talking about the origin of Valentine’s Day, and that since St. Valentine was gay, and since Jamaicans don’t support homosexuality, they wouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. A female classmate agreed. Boy. If only every woman were like that. The world (and men’s wallets) would be a better place. Apart from VD, there are other viruses you guys should watch out for. The Dref-AB worm has been spreading fast, posing as a Valentine’s Day greeting. So please, don’t open these fake e-cards, trying to convince your co-workers that your life isn’t as pathetic as it seems. Your life is only pathetic if you send yourself a Valentine’s Day gift, which I was surprised that people are actually doing. And here’s a treat for those out there who really are bitter and single. Photoshopped Valentine’s Day cards, courtesy of Fark. They’ll actually make you glad you don’t have a Valentine.

When I went on Google Monday morning, I saw the Google logo constructed of LEGO bricks. As you should know, the Google homepage changes to commemorate special events. I didn’t pay it much mind, but it was to mark the 50th anniversary of LEGO. Or, to be more precise, the 50th anniversary of founder Ole Kirk Christiansen’s patenting of the venerable brick. Those little bricks and I go way back. I got my first (and only) LEGO System when I was 9. Or was it 8? Anyway, my mom and I were leaving a store. That is, until a peculiar toy caught my interest. It was a box with a picture of a man in a plane, that was composed of several smaller bricks. On the box were various ways to manipulate the bricks into different formations.

I wanted it. So in typical spoiled brat fashion, I begged and begged and begged my mom to buy it for me. I even flashed my cute look. Back then it was effective enough to get her to cave in, but if I tried it now, I’d look constipated. Once I carried it home, I immediately opened it and, with the help of the little leaflet, taught myself the art of LEGO. Eventually I grew confident enough to try my own designs. I think I entered my college phase back then, ’cause I did a lot of experimenting. I may have invented some new uses for LEGO. Looking back, I’m surprised by how amused I was by it. The box was little bigger than a box of teabags, and it contained less than two dozen bricks. Well, they do say children are easily amused.

Now, thinking about it, LEGO played a bigger part in my development than I realized. It helped enhance my creativity, and helped me think outside the box. Even now I like to tinker with things. LEGO has made quite an impact on the world. There are 62 LEGO bricks for each inhabitant of Earth and 2,400 different kinds of bricks in 53 colors. They are used by architects to to develop concepts and serve as inspiration for museum quality art. Before the turn of the millennium, it was crowned “Toy of the Century”. LEGO faces a challenging future, as kids are interested in the click more than the brick. But even in the digital realm, LEGO still has its appeal. Just look at the success of LEGO Star Wars. So it’s safe to say that LEGO will be entertaining kids and adults for years to come.

P.S. Today’s my dad’s birthday. Happy birthday dad! May you live to see many more!      

Well, school has officially resumed. Back to the daily grind I suppose. I was reading blogs this morning when I read Gordon Swaby’s post about his predictions for the year. They were very pessimistic to say the least. They reminded me of the doom and gloom predictions religious leaders make every couple years. Am I the only one whose sick and tired of hearing these predictions? From Carone Gordon (strange co-incidence isn’t it), Richard McKenzie, Samuel Blackwood, that dude on Religious Hard Talk last Tuesday (I forget his name), to that modern day Nostradamus, Pat Robertson, religious leaders are suddenly getting mad messages from the Almighty. There must be something special about 2008 for God to suddenly turn into a chatterbox. Ok. Lemme address the more shocking predictions.

Recession in America: That’s not really news, after the subprime crisis of last year. So the other predictions of a stock market crash, decline in tourist arrivals, etc, all tie into this. Tsunami: Well, I’ve done my research, and while I believed it’s HIGHLY unlikely, it’s actually not impossible. Jamaica is on the Caribbean Plate, and deformation of a tectonic plate may cause a tsunami. But it is more likely that the U.S. would suffer a tsunami, unless we felt its effect. Dramatic rise in oil prices: Gee! Ya don’t say? Hurricane: Well, it could happen.

But I’ve heard far too many of these predictions over the years to believe any now. I used to believe these doomsday prophecies. I spent hours listening to these terrifying prophecies, and spent even more time pondering the fate of myself and my loved ones. And after putting me through all that unnecessary stress and worry, most of them wouldn’t even have the decency to admit they were wrong, or say “God saved us through the power of prayer” or some other copout like that. Failed predictions that come to mind are the famous predictions that the world would end in the year 2000. And more recently, Phillip Phinn’s prediction of Portia’s victory in last year’s elections and Pat Robertson’s prediction of a nuclear terror attack in the U.S. last year. I think religious leaders use this to scare people into Christianity, the same tactic they use when they breathe “fire and brimstone” from the pulpit. No wonder so many people “de-converted” after 2000. And people wonder why Christianity is no longer taken seriously. Folks, don’t worry your heads about these predictions. Whatever happens, happens.      

It’s finally here! 2008! A year of new beginnings, new possibilities, new challenges, new…ahhh who am I’m kidding! It’s gonna be the same ol’, same ol’. Even those new year’s resolutions won’t help, as that list will soon be lost under bills, lecture notes and all the other cares of the day to day. Still it’s fun to dream ain’t it? I rung in the New Year doing what I normally do - websurfing. Not the most glamourous way to ring in the New Year, but what the hey?

As soon as 12 am hit, I I.M.’d all my friends “Happy New Year.” There’s an old saying that whatever the New Year catches you doing, you’ll be doing it the whole year. I don’t believe that, but I can see myself in front of the computer for the rest of the year. As for resolutions, I make it a policy not to make any, ’cause, to be honest, I never keep them. This year I’ll just stick to my life’s plan, and achieve my goals one step at a time. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to accomplish anything new this year. I’d like to make more money this year and do even better academically. That’s pretty much it. Happy New Year and may 2008 be a memorable one!    

Well, the year 2007 has almost drawn to a close, and 2008 is mere hours away. Most of you will probably read this by tomorrow morning, as you’ll be too busy ringing in the New Year in your own way. But before we say goodbye to ‘07, I wish to take the time to take a look back at the year that was. It was quite an eventful year. Here are a few of the more notable events (not necessarily in chronological order).

Oil prices rose (again), the war in Iraq waged on (still), Scorsese won an Oscar (at last!), the Trafigura scandal, the Michael Vick dogfighting scandal, general Britney madness (VMAs, Chris Crocker, etc), Halo 3’s release, the US presidential race heated up, iPhone, BRUCE WON!, the Virginia Tech massacre, the rise and fall of Cash Plus, the Cuban light bulb scandal, the assault on local police and Benazir Bhutto’s assassination.

On a personal note, this was also an eventful year. I finally got my computer in late January and the Internet in the summer. Being a geek, these were significant milestones. I got closer to earning my degree, and thanks to my computer, my grades began returning to their usual highs. I found myself with a little more money than usual. On a more somber note, I lost a friend this year.

All in all, ‘07 was a good year. Looking forward to ‘08. Happy New Year when it comes everyone! And to those in other timezones, just plain happy New Year! 

When it came on the scene about five years ago, Cash Plus was a godsend for Jamaica’s poor. Finally, the wealth that was controlled by the elite could be had by the poorer masses. One could invest and reap and interest rate of 10% per month, a lot more attractive than the typical bank, whose rates range from 4%-5% per annum (if I’m not mistaken). Of course there were others like Olint and LewFam, but Cash Plus was the star, mainly because it made a lot of high profile investments in the country.

I remember thinking to myself the very minute I heard about Cash Plus, aside from wondering how they got those mindblowing interest rates, is that it would be a threat to the traditional banks. And indeed it did become a great threat. People drew their life savings about of traditional banks and put it in these unregulated “investment clubs.” Some sold valuable assets such as houses and cars to find money to invest. The banks began to take notice. At first, the banks’ assault was subtle. Suddenly ads appeared on the airwaves asking investors if the organization they were investing in was licensed, if the investment was too good to be true and they knew the level of risk they were taking (which made me laugh, as one does not acquire wealth by playing it safe).

As time went on, the ads appeared more frequently, but people didn’t bite. The prospect of your money doubling and then some within a year was too great for the common man to resist, even people who didn’t have a clue what the word FOREX even meant. The banks then stepped up their campaign, and asked for some political intervention, but nothing was done. I’m guessing because they had some money in their too. They are a greedy lot after all. The banks then closed the accounts of these schemes, refused to accept cheques from them and threatened their workers with unemployment if they didn’t close accounts they had in these schemes.

Though this was a serious blow, it wasn’t long before they recovered. I was rooting for Cash Plus up to this point. Then I read an Observer article about Carlos Hill’s shady past. After that, I didn’t know what to believe, whether Cash Plus was legit, or a just another Ponzi scheme. My father was willing to invest, pushed by myself and his friends who had invested. But after that article, my mother and I asked him to reconsider. He’s still interested, but too unsure to make a move.

Now the FSC has barred Cash Plus and other investment schemes, handing them all cease-and-desist orders. I’m also hearing rumours that Cash Plus is in debt. I’m still unsure of what to think of Cash Plus. Is it a revolutionary scheme genuniely interested in developing the country and distributing wealth run by a benevolent man, or an elaborate Ponzi scheme feeding on the desperation of Jamaica’s poor run by an unrepentant con artist? And while the FSC would like to been seen as serving the interests of the people, it doesn’t take a genius to see whose interests they’re really serving. After all, this is business, and money is the object.