My thoughts…on stuff

You don’t know how I feel right now. I’m hearing that there’s gonna be a MacGyver movie. At Maker Faire, Lee David Zlotoff, creator of MacGyver announced the movie is in the planning stages. I loved watching MacGyver as a kid. He was a hero that used brain over brawn to get out of tight spots, which appealed to me and many other geeks out there. The man could construct ANYTHING out of seemingly unrelated items. You could leave the man locked up in a room with no possible way out surrounded by bombs, and all he’d need to escape and diffuse the bombs would be a pocket knife, a paperclip, and a piece of string.

There’s a pic of the hero with his trademark mullet, a missile made from one of Lindsay Lohan’s sex toys, a bottle nipple and some gunpowder, topped off with that “don’t f**k with me” expression on his face. If you still cannot comprehend the awesomeness of this god of gadgetry, here’s a list of problems he’s solved on the TV show. If these people have the sense to follow through with this, it could would be…epic! MacGyver appeals to just about everyone, so they’d make an obscene amount of money. I wonder how they’re gonna approach it. Will they cast good ol’ Richard Dean Anderson, or will they reboot it Nolan style and cast a younger MacGyver? Whatever they do, there’s one thing that must remain constant: the mullet. For now, I’ll keep my eye out on this one.

Remember the nightmare that was “The Simple Life?” Ok, sorry for dredging up that painful memory. Well Paris is back to make you question once more why you even bother watching TV anymore. Her new show “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF”, is a new reality show (dear God) where Paris seeks to find a, you guessed it, a new Best Friend Forever (obviously to fill the gap left by Nicole Ritchie). Not that BFF guys, and if you want proof, Paris says that she wants someone who’s “not going to screw me over”, so for those fellows seeking Internet fame needn’t apply. But even worse than news of this show is the fact that 85,000 people applied. 85,000 poor souls eager to snatch a fallen crumb from Paris’ table of undeserved fame, just to prove to themselves that they matter in this world.

This is one of those events that makes you wonder if there is a just and loving God. This is going to be aired on a network renowned for wholesome, well-scripted programs, MTV. You’d think she would’ve passed the BFF stage by now, being 27 and all. You know I’ve been bashing Paris for quite a while now. A few of my fellow bloggers, most notably Mad Bull, have even accused me of having a crush on her. As for that, I’ll devote a post to it soon. But even I’m starting to feel guilty of bashing her. Ok, she deserves a fair assessment. Let’s list her positives. She’s…pretty and…rich. Can’t think of anything else. Ok. Now for her negatives. Oh where do I start? Ok, the feeling’s back. I wonder what the winner will be doing, apart from typical spoiled heiress stuff like 24/7 shopping and talking down to common folk? Shooting the sex tape? Help her invent another stupid catch phrase? Take the rap for her when she commits DUI? Personally, I’d like it if she picked up a psycho as her BFF.

Get ready folks, ’cause there’s another Fast and the Furious in the works. Yeah, I don’t give a rat’s ass either. I think a commenter on IGN said it best.

“1st Damn that was bad@$$
2nd pretty darn cool
3rd WTF!?!?
4th Alright seriously”

I posted on parody movies and how much they suck not too long ago, and this happens. Hollywood, why do you not heed my words? Ok, there must be at least one person out there whose interested in this movie, so for your benefit, here’s the plot. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are back to once again prove that talent isn’t neccessary to be called an actor. Diesel’s probably back to correct his mistake of ditching the second movie for “The Pacifier”, though I liked that movie I must admit.

Anyways, they’ve got a new enemy, Braga, and they must put aside their differences to confront said enemy, by doing, what else, drag racing and other car related stuff. Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster will also reprise their roles. You know Hollywood film execs, the “plot” for a movie whose only appeal is hot women and even hotter cars can only be stretched so far, and III was pushing it.

It seems like this is what the Fast and the Furious II was supposed to be. In that case, why don’t they just pull a George Lucas and make this sequel a prequel, or would understanding that concept tax the intellects of the franchise’s fans? Still, Latino Review likes the story, and they’re a pretty reliable source, so it may not be as sucktacular as I expect. Review it for yourself. Still, I fear that even a script worthy of Shakespeare won’t bring in the big bucks that the original made. As I said earlier, cars and chicks. We’ve seen it all before.  

Yeah, I know I broke my promise of one full week of posting. But heck, this is my final week of full school and stuff needs to be sent in. Don’t worry. I’ll make up that lost day. Anyhoo…

Parody movies. Once they were praised for their humour, abounding with irreverent humour, wacky characters and perfectly timed pop culture references. But now…now people wish that Carmen Electra and Anna Faris would get executed via firing squad. My hatred for the genre began to grow ever since Scary Movie 3. Then it grew with each subsequent crapfest produced by the guys behind it. They sucked so much that I’m surprised black holes didn’t spontaneously form in theaters and suck in the poor bastards that were dumb enough to waste their hard-earned money on them.

But it reached its boiling point with “Meet the Spartans.” I was gonna do a review of it here, but I would never assault my eyeballs by watching that garbage, so I didn’t. I mean how can people watch that crap? I mean, I find more humour watching a 5-minute abridged series on YouTube. It seems that these parodies have parodied not only the subject matter, but the movie industry itself. I mean how can the directors honestly call these movies and sleep soundly at night? Oh right. On their piles of money. I agree with Taylor. There NEEDS to be a movie validating body.

And one of the things that pains me the most is that the legendary Leslie Nielsen was part of some of these terrible movies. I wonder if they put him in legitimze them, as he was in many of the foundation parodies, such as Airplane! and Naked Gun. The latest one “Superhero Movie” wasn’t all that great, but it wasn’t that bad either. It certainly raised the bar for the parody movie a bit, but that’s not saying much considering how low its predecessors dropped it. But for now, the only laugh these movies’ll get out of me is if anyone asks me if I’m gonna watch.       

Heard that there was another “Hulk” movie in the works this week. The first Hulk movie was…well, a little disappointing. Certainly not worthy of one of Marvel’s most recognizable and venerable heroes, so I didn’t know what to think. But the trailer has lifted my hopes. This may be “the” Hulk movie we’ve been waiting for. Have a look.

Cool huh? Even the most apathetic Hulk fan would’ve at least raised an eyebrow after seeing that trailer. The director also dropped some exciting details. The movie will essentially begins where the last one left off, with a bearded Bruce Banner in the jungle. Bruce turns into the Hulk in about three minutes of the movie, so fans shouldn’t have to wait long for action. See that monster the Hulk’s rushing towards? Three guesses as to who it is? It is the Abomination. Never knew much about this villain, but for the uninformed, he’s an anti-Hulk, born from a man who underwent the same gamma exposure as Bruce but in greater quantities. And it looks like they’re gonna have one hell of a clash!

As usual, General Ross is pursuing the Hulk for military purposes, saying, “As far as I’m concerned, that man’s whole body is property of the U.S. Army.” And there will be romance in the form of Betty Ross. Another welcome improvement is the CGI. As you can see it is more polished than the original. Thank God, ’cause half of the original movie I was distracted by the special effects. All I can say is awesome. With this, Iron Man and Batman Begins in the pipeline, it’s a great time to be a superhero…on the big screen. 

The Oscars went on Sunday night, and quite frankly I didn’t give a damn. I heard vague whispers about it through the media, and honestly that’s how I knew about it. It’s not like I mark my calendar for it or anything. I no longer see the appeal. And apparently I’m not the only one. Nielsen Media Research says that ratings for the 80th Annual Academy Awards were lower than Joan Rivers’ sex appeal. Ok, maybe not quite that low, but lower than the least watched ceremony. By 14% in fact, which was all the way back in 2003.

I just don’t see why I should watch it anymore. Most of the Oscar nominees belong to movies I haven’t even seen or, quite frankly, care about. Only two of the whole lot I was rooting for, No Country For Old Men and Juno. I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about who’s dress looked spectacular or who was fashion roadkill. I could blindfold myself, spin around until I was dizzy and I could still point out a bombshell. If not, well, at least she’d have money. And the length of the ceremony would try the patience of the most hardcore cinephile. As for the hosts, well, Jon Stewart is ok. Just that. Ok. It may be because I have a lot less free time now, but I have to ask the question, “Are the Oscars relevant anymore?” It seems like yet another self-congratulatory celebration. The rich, famous and the beautiful getting together to pat each other on the back while we watch. What’s the point of it all?

I suppose it’s because Hollywood isn’t what it used to be. The cinematic bar has been greatly lowered over the years. A “Meet The Spartans” would never have come out in the 1930s. Back then a movie was a movie. Plus Old Hollywood was a lot more glamourous, with stars that were larger than life. New Hollywood is not as mystifying. In fact it doesn’t take much to become a star. Just spend enough time in front of a camera and you’ll automatically become one, regardless of talent. As such, half of the movies that come out make moviegoers regret their purchase. Showbiz has obviously lost some of its luster, and people just aren’t as fascinated with Hollywood as they once were, as evidenced by declining movie attendance and…as I just said, Oscar viewership. Still, I guess it has its place. Actors deserve thanks for a hard day’s work just like the rest of us. Just don’t expect a bumper viewership.   

Just about every attempt to make Christianity appeal to today’s youth has pretty much failed. Christian punk/metal bands, Battle Pope, Jesus Christ action figures, and don’t get me started on “Buddy Christ.” But there may just be one form of Biblical interpretation that may score with the youth: Manga Jesus. Yup, Jesus has moved into the world of manga in the Manga Bible, created by Ajin-bayo Akinsiku, known as Siku. (Way to give atheists more ammunition buddy.) And this Christ is a lot more action-packed than the one you grew up in Sunday School with. He’s described as “a stranger, a silhouetted superhero ready to save the world. He’s dark, he’s moody and he deals in miracles. He is Christ.”

And while that Christ you grew up with was into forgiveness and turnin’ the other cheek, this one is described as “the ‘badass’ that kicks everyone’s butt.” Pretty cool, as, let’s face it, in the Bible, Jesus was sort of portrayed as a wimp.  Would be kinda cool to see the Son of Man put the smackdown on some heathens. But I don’t think I could take this thing seriously, or could anyone else. Still, I’d read it. It’d be way more interesting than my plain old Bible. It seems to be a success among the young, becoming the best selling manga novel in Britain, selling 30,000 copies.

Hmm, I wonder what it’d be like? We’ll, the disciples are bound to be teens with multicolured, spiky hair, all Biblical battles will be fought with giant robots, Moses would part the Red Sea with an energy blast from his palm, Jesus’ cross would really contain pistols, a machine gun, and rocket launchers to fight the Roman soldiers, and somebody, somehow, would get tentacle raped. Have fun dude, but stay true to the essence of the Scripture, and for the love of God, no Mary Magdelene hentai!

I know High School Musical has been out for a while now, but ever since I heard that another High School Musical sequel was in the works, I just couldn’t take any more. That movie doesn’t deserve to become a trilogy. One question that I’ve asked myself and others ever since that movie premiered is “how in the hell did it become so popular?” I just can’t see it. Most Disney channel movies are shown for a few dozen times, then fade into obscurity. But this one has lingered like a bad odour, and the stench is getting worse, as High School Musical: Senior Year is set for release in October this year.

Still, why is it so popular? I guess it’s the tunes. Once you hear them, its hard to get them out of your head. I even found myself singing them a couple times. Or maybe it’s the hot cast. The female leads are pretty hot. I know a lot of men are watching Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale, waiting for them to mature enough to fantasize about them without the awkward feeling of fantasizing about their own daughters. Teenage girls all over have mad crushes on Zac Efron and Corbin Bleu. I can picture them now. “Like OMG! Zac Efron is sooooo hot! I’m gonna marry him and we’re gonna be together forever! Becky doesn’t think so but she’s sooooo uncool! She just jealous that I’m gonna marry Zac and not her!”

I’m not saying that it’s a bad movie. There are a lot worse movies that have made it to the big screen. It is a Disney channel movie, so you can’t expect an intriguing storyline and compelling characters. The audience consists of mainly kids and pre-teens after all. I’m just saying the movie’s highly overrated, and the franchise has been milked to death, ’cause in addition to the soundtrack and the concert tour, there are countless products bearing the High School Musical brand. There’s even a Monopoly for God’s sake! Some have called it the Grease for this generation. Well, yeah, if Grease were dumbed down and neutered. I wonder what high school would be like if we all spontaneously burst into song? Still, I went to an all boys’ school, so it would be kinda gay.   

Being a big Star Trek fan, I’ve looked forward to the release of the Star Trek XI movie, a reboot of the legendary franchise a la Nolan. Now the teaser has been released, and I couldn’t be happier. You could say that I’ve been waiting a long time for this moment, my little gree…oh. Wrong franchise. We finally get to see J.J. Abrams’ re-imagining of the Star Trek universe. It’s not much (it’s a teaser after all), but it still looks promising. See for yourself.

DISCLAIMER: Mythoughtsonstuff.com is not responsible for any nergasms that occur during the viewing of this trailer.

I couldn’t believe it. The news sent me into a state of shock. Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, possibly comics’ most legendary couple, is no more! Marvel broke them up! Here’s how the story goes. Pete and MJ made a deal with Mephisto, a devil-like character. (Yes. Our Peter Parker makes a deal with the devil! Some hero). They have to give up their marriage in order to save Aunt May. Mephisto then erases their marriage from everyone’s memory.

Outraged! So are the fans. And the worst part is yet to come. The part that gave this post its name. Peter then goes on to make out with some woman who’s not Mary Jane. (So he’s an adulterer too). Ok, technically it wasn’t adultery ’cause he didn’t remember, but still! I’m aware that I sound like the typical, pimple-faced nerd who has no life outside comics, MMORPGs and whatever fantasy genre nerds immerse themselves in to escape the real world. Well frankly, I don’t care.

“Why the hell do you care about these characters so much?” you may ask. “They’re only fictional.” Well if you asked that question, I’m sorry that you grew up in a broken home, because you obviously didn’t have a childhood. These characters are part of my treasured childhood memories, and I hate to see my those memories torn asunder. You cheated on me Spiderman! Now I’m sitting here with my box of Kleenex and my tub of ice cream watching Lifetime, remembering the good times we shared. Now I know why there was so much outcry when the Star Wars prequels were released.

I haven’t been keeping up with comics in years, so I was also shocked when I learned that Sue Storm and Reed Richards are having marital issues and Scott and Jean were broken up. I know that comic book characters need to be re-invented from time to time to keep up with the current generation, and that nowadays comics are striving for more and more realism, but aren’t comics supposed to offer an escape from reality? Can’t a happy marriage just stay a happy marriage?