My thoughts on…oil in the Arctic
July 25th 2008 -
If you own a motor vehicle, then you’re probably feeling the strain that rising oil prices are putting on your pocket. Oil reserves around the world are running out, and last time I checked, the world’s supply of oil will run out in the next 50 years. But fear not. A U.S. Geological Survey has revealed that there may be 90 billion barrels of oil in the Arctic, more than Nigeria, Kazakhstan and Mexico combined.
Wait? Kazakhstan has oil? I thought their major exports were potassium, apples, and young boys to Michael Jackson’s ranch. They’ve got it totally wrong Borat. Ironic isn’t it? The same substance that caused global warming and will ultimately lead to the destruction of the Polar Ice Caps is located right under them. Rest asured consumers. When this treasure trove of oil is uncovered, you can be sure that the savings will be passed on to you. Ahahaha! Yeah, that cracked me up too.
In other news, President Bush, according to his “intelligence,” has found weapons of mass destruction in Alaska and other parts of the Arctic, and speculates that Osama Bin Laden is hiding there, and has decided to go to war with Canada. “We all know this was coming” the President said. “We should’ve gone to war with those bastards for Celine Dion alone.”
When questioned about why anyone would have a base there, he looked at me with a condescending stare and said, “Boy didn’t you watch the Superman movies?” When questioned about the fact that bombings in the Arctic may accelerate the melting of the Polar Ice Caps, leading to the destruction of the Earth’s ecosystem and ultimately mankind itself, he responded, “don’t try to confuse me with all that science mumbo jumbo. Besides, no price is too great - not even $123.26 a barrel, for the safety of the American people.”
Stunner Says:
July 26th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Once again the US gov pushes aside the earth’s ecology and the safety of mankind to bring in the billions. just see another major oil spill on the horizon, and of course when they do find more oil the prices will be passed on to us, more high prices! hey that last paragraph sounds exactly like Bush!
owen Says:
July 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
they can’t mine shit in the artic. pity most american seem to not know anything about anything
owens last blog post..A sweet fix (ChangeLog)
Jamaipanese Says:
July 28th, 2008 at 10:12 am
leave Celine alone!
Jamaipaneses last blog post..Computer Generated Girls are coming
jdid Says:
July 31st, 2008 at 10:50 am
actually canada has already been secretly invaded and its people are helpless chattle to the mighty US
our leaders mike myers and jimmy carry quickly surrendered but celine used her banshee like voice to maintain freedom in a tiny part of quebec until she was betrayed by the evil alainis morrisette. now there is no hope.