My thoughts…on stuff

I, like may others, am psyched to watch The Dark Knight. Batman Begins was awesome, and I’m hearing rave reviews about Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker. Some say it may even be Oscarworthy. But while we all gear up to watch The Dark Knight clash with his archnemesis, another joker is causing some trouble in the real world. Apparently there was a script for the Dark Knight written by Michael Bay that has been “leaked” onto the Internet. Find it here. One read and you’ll figure out why Warner Bros. chose to “take it in a different direction”. Here are some of my favourite quotes:

WOMAN (O.S.)
Sir, I have an idea.
We pan to a beautiful woman: platinum blonde with a huge rack. She is the hottest woman in the world, but she wears glasses because she is also the smartest woman in the world.

BRUCE WAYNE is standing in front of a mirror, flexing his sculpted, shirtless torso.

BRUCE
Let’s do this.
Cue AC/DC’s “Back in Black.” A series of quick shots show BRUCE gearing up: putting on the boots, slapping on the gloves, a brief glance across those beautiful pecs. Finally, there is no longer BRUCE WAYNE, but BATMAN standing before us.

BATMAN
Back in black.
Pyrotechnics erupt in the distance. Guitar solo.

RACHEL stretches against the open hood. The camera zooms in on her naked torso. It luxuriates on her toned stomach. Up it goes. Then down. Then up again. Slowly…slowly… Now counter-clockwise,

RACHEL
Alright, let’s see what I can do.
She leans into the engine, exposing her breasts, covered in perspiration. The camera zooms in and out on them, emphatically, a number of times.

And my all time favourite quote:

JOKER unleashes an all-out barrage of missiles, like the biggest fucking missiles you will ever see. BATMAN shoots his own back, and the all collide into each other in the middle of the highway releasing a violent explosion, and then, an explosion within that explosion. Afterward: one last explosion, this time in slow motion, with tanks flying out of it.

Both BATMAN and JOKER eject from their vehicles, shooting themselves into helicopters. Then they unleash even bigger missiles, which whizz past both of the helicopters, destroying the highway on the ground below. The action’s not over yet though, because in the distance there are still five ore highways and, on top of them, a bridge.

Is it me, or does anyone see a bit of Transformers in this “script”? And the funny thing is, people think this is real. This is obviously a joke, or Bay’s either high on Joker Venom or totally lost his touch. In that case, Transformers 2 is out the window for me. And the funny thing is, people would actually watch it. Utter bull does make money. Why do you think parody movies keep reappearing like a bad case of the Clap?