My thoughts…on stuff

This day 15 years ago, the Internet was born. To be more precise, this was the day it was put into the public domain, ensuring that a single system would be used for accessing the Web. Seems far away for me. Then again I’m only 22, but for the adults, it probably seems like yesterday. (You feel old now, don’t you?) A world without the Internet seems unimaginable nowadays. I can barely survive a week without it.

Thanks to the efforts of Tim Berners-Lee (and no, Al Gore did not invent the Internet you ass) and CERN, we are now able to our waste time on social networking sites, view as much porn as our perverted little hearts desire, watch videos of people making complete asses of themselves, and receive countless chain mails and notifications from Nigerian princes (who knew they had so many?) and barristers who want our help to transfer their assets. Are we sure this thing has made the world a better place?

Anyway, it has made millions for a fortunate few, ruined the lives of many, and given some, such as myself, a global voice. We raise our glasses to you Internet. Can’t live with you, can’t check out the latest sex tape without you. Many ask why Berners-Lee didn’t claim intellectual property rights to the Internet. They claim it would’ve made him a billionaire, even wealthier than Bill Gates. Well retards, if he did that, it wouldn’t have grown at the astronomical rate it did, and the present Internet would probably be as large as it was 9 years ago, and it certainly wouldn’t have such diverse users or information. Can you imagine having to pay extra for access to the Internet?

But Mr. Lee has been awarded many accolades, or should I say Sir Lee, as he has been knighted as well. But there are people trying something similar to taxing the Net, by trying split the Internet into tiers and charging people for access to them. That’s why the call for net neutrality has gotten louder over the years. Berners-Lee is in support of if, as well as Google and surprisingly the tyrannical Micro$oft. And there’s more to come, as access to the Internet becomes cheaper and new technologies are integrated, it will continue to evolve. Oh, and here’s a little fun fact. The world’s first website was http://info.cern.ch/. A surprisingly simple website, and it’s still up and running!

Today, I read an article about another teen celebrity being embarrassed by a photo being taken of her. This time it’s Miley Cyrus, who’s currently the hottest thing since sliced bread, uttering the classic line, “I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.” As expected, Disney’s pissed. There’s the photo, taken by Anne Leibovitz, a renowned celebrity photographer, which Vanity Fair managed to twist in order to sell magazines. A surprisingly SFW photo actually. Remember guys, she’s 15. Don’t make me have to tell you to take a seat over there.

But I’ve realized a trend, and I know you’ve seen it too. These young celebrities nowadays tend to “suddenly” be subject of some embarrassing photos. The latest in recent memory was Vanessa Hudgens with her racy pics, then Zac Efron with his “ghey?” pics, and now Miley Cyrus, all Disney stars strangely. Another pattern. I can’t help but think that this is a way for them to tease the public (giving them a taste of their sexuality so that they’ll have an appetite for it when they hit 18) then say “oops!” This would ensure that they don’t meet the same fate as Danny Bonaduce and countless other child stars.

Remember what happened to Vanessa Williams and those nude photos? Of course you do. She became a smashing success, and is one of the few Miss Americas people actually remember after their term expired. You couldn’t buy the kind of publicity that scandal brought her. And oddly enough, this happens after Miley declared that she’d like to step out of Hanna Montana’s bubblegum pop and be respected as a true entertainer. I for one want to see some Ashley Tisdale embarrassing photos. She’s a babe. She is 18 right? Else, well, I will have that seat over there.

P.S. Got tests on two of my toughest subjects tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Remember the nightmare that was “The Simple Life?” Ok, sorry for dredging up that painful memory. Well Paris is back to make you question once more why you even bother watching TV anymore. Her new show “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF”, is a new reality show (dear God) where Paris seeks to find a, you guessed it, a new Best Friend Forever (obviously to fill the gap left by Nicole Ritchie). Not that BFF guys, and if you want proof, Paris says that she wants someone who’s “not going to screw me over”, so for those fellows seeking Internet fame needn’t apply. But even worse than news of this show is the fact that 85,000 people applied. 85,000 poor souls eager to snatch a fallen crumb from Paris’ table of undeserved fame, just to prove to themselves that they matter in this world.

This is one of those events that makes you wonder if there is a just and loving God. This is going to be aired on a network renowned for wholesome, well-scripted programs, MTV. You’d think she would’ve passed the BFF stage by now, being 27 and all. You know I’ve been bashing Paris for quite a while now. A few of my fellow bloggers, most notably Mad Bull, have even accused me of having a crush on her. As for that, I’ll devote a post to it soon. But even I’m starting to feel guilty of bashing her. Ok, she deserves a fair assessment. Let’s list her positives. She’s…pretty and…rich. Can’t think of anything else. Ok. Now for her negatives. Oh where do I start? Ok, the feeling’s back. I wonder what the winner will be doing, apart from typical spoiled heiress stuff like 24/7 shopping and talking down to common folk? Shooting the sex tape? Help her invent another stupid catch phrase? Take the rap for her when she commits DUI? Personally, I’d like it if she picked up a psycho as her BFF.

Hate Vista? Love Windows XP? Well enjoy it while you can, because good ol’ Micro$oft is doing what it does best, using strongarm tactics to bully customers, this time by killing XP. The software giant has announced that it XP will be going off the market on June 30 this year. Software updates will stop on April 14, 2009 and support ends on April 14, 2014. And despite the efforts of thousands of petition signing fans, this date is set in stone. To be fair to Microsoft, that was the original date set in the Windows Life-Cycle Policy, but I think that they’re publicizing it to spook people into buying Vista, an operating system that has been called a “work in progress” by Micro$oft CEO Steve Ballmer.

I proudly use XP myself. I’m all for software upgrades, as I can’t stand using anything but the latest and greatest technology. But I’m not gonna spend my hard earned cash on an incomplete OS, only to have the completed version released two years later. I think as a consumer, I deserve more than that. The only people I know that are comfortable with Vista are those with average computing needs, the computer illiterate or those willing to spend tons on money on equipment upgrades. But I’ll stop myself before I got on an anti-Vista rant. In the meantime, I’ll save my pennies for Windows 7. XP fans, buy your copies while you still can.

Well folks, exams are underway. In fact my first exam is on Thursday. So I’m in study mode, so there’s not much room for my mind to wander. So chances are I’ll be posting less. Yeah, I know you’re be disappointed. Reading my blog is one of the few pleasures in your miserable life. But don’t worry. I’ll be back to regular posting in two flicks of a cat’s tail. 

If you’re a Jamaican, then you already know what’s the hottest thing on the airwaves. That’s right. Cash Plus, and the case of the amazing disappearing funds. If you’re a Jamaican that invested money in said entity, well, sucks to be you. The once beloved investment club that was famous for giving poor people a chance to “step up inna life” has been revealed to be nothing more than an elaborate scam. Normally I’d point and laugh at the fools who weren’t wise enough to look before they leapt, but people’s lives were destroyed by Cash Plus. For those who are late to the party, check this post.

I mean people sold their house, cars, virtually all their significant material possessions and put it in Cash Plus, in search of the American dream. And no, that’s not a typo. My Mom has a friend with $3 million in there. There have been news articles about a man with $30 million and a woman with $300,000 US invested in it respectively. There are also rumours about MPs and other bigwigs who suffered as well. Don’t expect any of them to admit it of course. And it’s not only the investors that suffered. Former employees of Cash Plus are finding difficulty in finding a job ’cause of the company’s shady reputation. My Dad was going to invest. He was even going to sign up the form. But a look at this article about Carlos Hill’s past convinced him otherwise. Hooray for teh Internetz!

People are now eager to get their money and put it back into traditional banks, the same banks that were once demonized as “fight ‘gainst, trying to prevent poor people from getting “real” interest. Songs have already been made about the debacle (feeding off its popularity I’m sure). Investigations have been conducted as to the whereabouts of the money, and it has been discovered that Mr. Hill invested the money in over 200 companies all over the world! And get this, one of the accounts has US$3 billion dollars in it! Now Mr. Hill is locked in prison with his brother Bertram. The police are actually being merciful, as releasing them into the hands of angry investors whose lives have been plunged into greater hardship would be downright cruel.

I was just websurfing, and I found an article so interesting I had to share with you. It features a list of obsolete tech skills, and I found it quite amusing. The full list is on ObsoleteSkills.com. It reminded me of my childhood in fact. Most I agree with, a few I don’t. See how many you relate to. 

• Changing the ribbon on a typewriter
• Rewinding audio or video cassettes
• Adjusting the rabbit ears on your TV set
• Checking your beeper
• Formatting a floppy disk
• Having to put www in front of every URL
• Loading film into a camera
• Using a darkroom
• Licking stamps
• Paying with a check
• Using a pay phone
• Looking up a business in the Yellow Pages
• Switching from TV to Game Mode on the box behind the TV
• Blowing into a dusty Nintendo cartridge to make it work
• Using the Dewey Decimal System to find a book
• Winding your watch
• Long division (other than for school)
• Calling the radio station to find out what song that was
• Ripping the trim with the holes off the sides of computer paper
• Calling someone collect
• Replacing tape in your answering machine
• Threading a filmstrip
• Popping popcorn with hot oil
• Heating a “TV Dinner” in the oven
• Getting up to manually change the channel
• Repairing a television set
• Sharpening a razor blade
• Adding water to car batteries
• Riding a single-speed bike
• Setting the time on a VCR
• Downloading music from the original Napster
• Putting tape over the punched-out holes on a VCR tape so you can use it again
• Using correction fluid
• Putting a nickel on the tone arm of a record player to keep it from skipping
• Placing the needle at the beginning of a song on a vinyl record without making a scratching noise
• Popping in a flash cube
• Using a choke
• Cleaning a vinyl record
• Defrosting the refrigerator
• Refilling a fountain pen
• Using carbon paper to make copies
• Changing tracks on an 8-track tape
• Taping songs off the radio onto a cassette tape
• Sniffing freshly mimeographed tests
• Sending a handwritten letter
• Writing in cursive
• Mowing the yard with a non-powered push mower (May be coming back, though …)
• Milk deliveries
• Manually entering prices into an old-fashioned cash register
• Cleaning the head of your VCR
• Crawling under the door of a pay toilet

Get ready folks, ’cause there’s another Fast and the Furious in the works. Yeah, I don’t give a rat’s ass either. I think a commenter on IGN said it best.

“1st Damn that was bad@$$
2nd pretty darn cool
3rd WTF!?!?
4th Alright seriously”

I posted on parody movies and how much they suck not too long ago, and this happens. Hollywood, why do you not heed my words? Ok, there must be at least one person out there whose interested in this movie, so for your benefit, here’s the plot. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are back to once again prove that talent isn’t neccessary to be called an actor. Diesel’s probably back to correct his mistake of ditching the second movie for “The Pacifier”, though I liked that movie I must admit.

Anyways, they’ve got a new enemy, Braga, and they must put aside their differences to confront said enemy, by doing, what else, drag racing and other car related stuff. Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster will also reprise their roles. You know Hollywood film execs, the “plot” for a movie whose only appeal is hot women and even hotter cars can only be stretched so far, and III was pushing it.

It seems like this is what the Fast and the Furious II was supposed to be. In that case, why don’t they just pull a George Lucas and make this sequel a prequel, or would understanding that concept tax the intellects of the franchise’s fans? Still, Latino Review likes the story, and they’re a pretty reliable source, so it may not be as sucktacular as I expect. Review it for yourself. Still, I fear that even a script worthy of Shakespeare won’t bring in the big bucks that the original made. As I said earlier, cars and chicks. We’ve seen it all before.  

I encountered an article while surfing the Net the other day that shocked me to the core. I shared it with a friend of mine, and he had the same reaction, and all my fellow males probably will. Seems like scientists, more than likely women pissed at their asshole boyfriends, created artificial sperm cells from stem cells from bone marrow. That’s right guys. We will soon become OBSOLETE! I think this is the first time in my life where I’ve wanted to halt the rapid progress of technology. Now I know how unskilled workers feel. I don’t know why I haven’t heard more of this in the media. Why hasn’t anyone complained about this? People will protest about cloning, but not about the key to the extinction of men?

I can see it now. Women, tired of the injustices we men have imposed on them over the years, would use their reproductive and seductive powers to dominate us. They would deny us sex unless we were sterilized, and use artifical sperm to reproduce, tampering with the DNA to take the fight out of us so we won’t revolt. The original males would die out, and man would become a docile and subservient race. Then the domination of women would be complete. (C’mon. You know they’ve been trying to take over.) The world would be a peaceful utopia, and you know we can’t let that happen! So I propose that we destroy this technology! Screw the benefits to lesbian couples and sterile men! It’ll take three to five years for them to develop mature sperm cells, so we have plenty of time. Ok, fine. Maybe I’m letting my imagination get the best of me, but it takes away some of men’s power. If you women don’t understand, imagine if you were all replaced by the Stepford Wives?

Hey everybody. Today I’m gonna do a review of EventsIn876.com, run by fellow blogger, former classmate and friend Taylor. EventsIn876 is also part of the In876Network that sponsors my blog. So you all do this guy a solid and at least check out the site. The site is a platform to advertise various Jamaican events. Pretty much any social event can be displayed there. The thing I like most of all about this site is the calendar of events. It’s very easy on the eyes and the information is organized very neatly. It’s like a Mozilla Sunbird online. It also has some slick functionality. Just go there and fiddle around with the content. You’ll see what I mean.

I must admit that I rarely navigate beyond this page, as this gives me all the info that I need. But there’s more, like a community, chat, etc., for those who wish to get more out of the site. I can tell that a lot of work went into this site, so my fellow Jamaicans, go and support! I know that Jamaicans visit this site apart from my friends and old classmates, because I’ve been getting hits from searches like “Jamaican porn”, “Jamaican school sex tape”, “bluetooth express” and…you know what? I’d better stop before I attract even more Google perverts. Then again, these could be coming from some lonely middle aged white men. 

P.S. Good news. I’ve been made District Bulletin Editor for my Circle K District. Bad news I have to be away for the weekend to train. See you Sunday!