Info: February 6, 2008 Posted by: Leon 8 comments

entrecard.jpgBy now I’m sure you’ve heard of Microsoft latest potential acquisition. Microsoft is shelling out $44.6 billion to buy Yahoo! I wasn’t too surprised when I heard of this. Microsoft’s failure to jump on the search bandwagon back when they had the chance has always been one of their greatest failures. They envy Google. Always have. And with good reason. The Internet has a lot a room left for growth, but the number of people using computers is pretty much tapped out (buying software for them anyway).

Microsoft’s share price is around $28. Google’s share price is around $500, and climbing. Google is experiencing the kinda of growth Microsoft saw back in its heyday. Now competition from open source is making M$ look to other avenues than software for profits. They say they “admire” Google but nothing would make them happier than crushing them. This has Google wetting themselves, drawing the antitrust card and highlighting Micro$oft’s record of trying to create proprietary monopolies.

Already I’ve heard of people who are swearing to give up Yahoo! if they merge with Micro$oft, afraid they’ll bring their unique brand of f****ry with them. So what’s Yahoo! up to? Well, they’re playing hard to get. But Yahoo! employees aren’t too enthusiastic. One Yahoo! engineer even said, “this is the frosting on a giant double-layer suck cake.” Since I can’t get a piece of the billion dollar pie, I’m gonna have fun with this potential merger. Here are some names I’ve thought up for the new search giant:

  • Microhoo
  • Yahsoft
  • M!crosoft
  • Mycrosoft
  • Miyahasooft!

…and my favourite…FATAL EXCEPTION #blahblahblah

Here are some new attributes of the new search giant I’ve thought up:

  • You get a 404 when you try to access Google in Internet Explorer.
  • You’ll have to buy a license to access the new Yahoo!, which you’ll have to renew every year, and it will come in Home, Media Center, Professional and Ultimate.
  • You won’t be able to access the new Yahoo! in Firefox or any browser besides IE.
  • You’ll occasionally get the blue screen of death.
  • Microsoft will monitor all your private conversations in your Microhoo messenger client. I mean you’ll “participate” in their Customer Experience Improvement Program (without your knowledge).
  • You’ll have an annoying blue E teaching you how to use the Internet, and it will simply refuse to go away.

Can you guys think of anything else?

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