My thoughts…on stuff

So you just upgraded to Vista huh? You feel up-to-date on the latest technological trends. Sure you’ve had to sacrifice some processing speed and the OS treats you like a retard by asking you confirm even the simplest request. But the shiny new interface makes it all worth it. Plus you don’t really mind. You don’t do any hardcore stuff like graphic design, video editing or gaming. In fact, Word, Solitaire and Media Player are pretty much the only programs you use. Well, get ready to kick yourself in the junk.

XP Service Pack 3 is scheduled to come out in 2008, and it’s supposed to *drumroll*, make XP run 10% faster than SP2! That’s right! A free 10% boost, and considering that XP already runs 50%-100% faster than Vista, Vista users may already be regretting their purchase. But knowing Micro$oft, this may be the “Final Solution” to blow all pirated XPs out of the water. My thoughts? I direct your attention to the image in the top right hand corner. I once considered using Vista, even though it’s a complete imitation of Mac OS X. I fell in love with the slick interface above all. I coveted it so much that I used the Vista Transformation Pack to make my system look more Vista-like.

But on second thought, I realized that Vista was like the typical hot chick. Fine as hell, but with little real substance. And news of this convinced me that I made the right choice. Windows XP Service Pack 3 is set to come out the first half of next year. Vista SP1 is due around the same time, but it barely improves the system’s performance. Another reason why when it comes to software, especially from Micro$oft, it’s best to exercise common sense before, literally, buying into the hype.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a completely random post hasn’t it? Well, since my blogging’s gotten a little rusty as of late, I figure there’s no better way to bring this blog up to speed. I’ve realized a disturbing trend among American teens, and it’s growing in popularity every day. I’m of course, talking about emo. If you don’t know what emo is, then you’re probably too old to be emo. Let me give you the rundown. Emo is short for “emotional,” and is goth’s whinny bitch of a brother. Or sister. I can’t tell. The guys dress like girls anyway. They consists of people with no real problems. Typical Brady Bunch suburban kids, but act like the world is on their shoulders, and their lives are so depressing, in a pitiful effort to add some substance to their meaningless little lives.

Emo bands include Dashboard Confidential, My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, etc. If your kid listens to any of these bands or those within the same genre, suddenly develops a penchant for black and starts acting all “angsty,” then your kid may be catching emo. Quick! Boot them out of the comfort of your home onto the street. Let them see what real suffering is like. Make sure you drop them an inner city where homelessness is rampant, mothers continually weep due to gang violence and money is so scarce that going to the local Mickey D’s is considered a luxury. Or better yet a third world country, where any water is drinkable, regardless of its cleanliness. And a starving child is as common a sight as the vast, barren wastelands they inhabit. That should fix them right up. If that doesn’t work, well, there’s always disowning. Oh, and if the child in subject is male, the black may soon be replaced by rainbow, if you know what I mean.

I constantly marvel at the little things that depress these people. Such insignificant things that barely bother me send these people into an emotional spiral. I guess they invent problems for themselves because they’re tired of the “you have life too easy” speech. And the cutting. Oh God the cutting! Listen, if you have suppressed anger, don’t take it out on yourself! Solve the problem. Attack the person. But if you’re cutting yourself, you’re probably too much of a wimp for that. Ok. Take it out on an inanimate object. Imagine that old piece of furniture was your deadbeat dad and beat the hell out of it! It really helps. Then again, I’m pretty sure that some of these kids aren’t genuinely emo. It’s just the easiest clique for them to join, as adolescents all try in some way to identify themselves with some group. There’s an old saying that a goth girl is a girl that got rejected at cheerleader tryouts.

Personally, I think it makes you a stronger person if you deal with your problems head on, especially during your formative years, as it will better enable you to cope when you’re out on your own, without ma and pa to shelter you. Whining about it does you no good. In fact, it hinders your growth as a person. My parents and I have gone through greater struggles in our lives than a roomful of these punks. I’ve had times where I didn’t know where the tuition money would come from, where I’ve had to go to bed hungry and many other financial restraints that made me seriously question whether of not my ambitions were even possible. Yet my parents went through a lot worse than me, as they were both abandoned by their parents at a very young age, and were denied many of the things I take for granted. But I like to think of myself as a piece of steel in a blacksmith’s shop, and such obstacles are merely the forge that will temper me until I’m a mighty blade. So emo kids, (and I don’t mean the cool ones that are simply in touch with their emotions), get a life! Your life doesn’t suck. Smile damnit!

P.S. Oh. You’re still there? Good! While I was posting this, I stumbled on this really cool site, HopeIsEmo.com. This girl Hope takes emo to the extreme. Tons of laughs.

Thank God! all the assignments are finished! I handed in my last two today. Now the rest of the week is study week. Time to relax with some blogging! Well, this post isn’t “relaxing” per se, but more of my tribute to Herb McKenley, who by the way passed away yesterday at the age of 85. I honestly thought the guy was already dead. But can you blame me? Its easy to think that when an old person has been out of the public eye as long as he has. The man was truly great.

For those international readers out there who need some clue as to how great the man was, he received the nation’s third highest honour, the Order of Merit, was the head of the list of world best times in 100 m, 200 m and 400 m (the only person to have ever done this) and the New York Times wrote an article about his death. And its not everyday the Times writes an article for a non-American, unless they’re of some importance. So it goes without saying that the man was a track and field god, and there’s little wonder why the entire nation is in mourning.

The loss of outstanding Jamaicans like him makes me look at my current generation and wonder if there’s any greatness left. My generation seems hellbent on destroying itself and getting rich no matter what the cost. Morals seem to be but a mere hindrance nowadays, to be adhered to only when its convienient. But Asafa’s performance on both the local and world stage gives me hope that there are still great athletes left, and just perhaps, great Jamaicans in other spheres of life as well. We need more great Jamaicans like Herb, especially in this age where Jamaicans have so little to be proud of. If I become half the man he was, then I would be happy with how I spent my life. Goodbye Herb. Race well run.

Well well. It looks like its time for my yearly obligatory Thanksgiving post. Oh how time has flown (pun intended). As I try to get back into the swing of things again, its good that it’s Thanksgiving, as it’s an easy subject to post on, and quite frankly, my thoughts have very little time to wander these days. Time for the mass slaughter of turkeys. Time for Americans to eat themselves silly, then wonder where all those extra pounds came from. (Americans were never known for their self-restraint.) Time for tryptophan to course through their veins and time for families to gather together at the dinner table to give thanks one minute then return to the desperate rat race we call modern society the next.

Many people new to this blog may ask, “Leon, why do you post about an American celebration? Aren’t you a Jamaican?” For the last time, the majority of my visitors are American, so I have to act like I care about their culture. Plus any holiday that involves tons o’ food is fine by me. I saw another one of MSN’s “no sh*t Sherlock” articles today about Thanksgiving Health Risks. It’s pretty common sense, but if IE is still the world’s most popular browser, then people can’t be all that bright. Sorry. That’s the Microsoft hate talking. Read it and be “informed.” Well, I guess I should follow the Paleface tradition and state what I’m thankful for, which isn’t so bad. It’s good to stop and give thanks for all you’ve been blessed with. Your life may not be perfect, but face it, no one’s is. Well, I’m thankful for my family. Generic, but true. I’m thankful for my readers, who stick with me through thick and thin. Right? Guys? Guys? And I’m also thankful for a sound body, spirit and mind. Well, two out of three ain’t bad. Happy Turkey Day to you and your family.

P.S. If all that turkey clogs up the ol’ poop chute, figs are a great natural laxative.

The JFF has been seriously shaken up as of late. Crenston Boxhill and Bora Milutinovic have apparently run the football programme into the ground, as the Road to Germany was filled with more potholes than a back road during heavy rains, plus our world ranking has plummeted from 33 to 103. Shameful. So like a superhero movie franchise, the JFF has rebooted itself, in the hopes of recapturing its former glory. “Captain” Horace Burrell is back, and it is said that he’ll bring back Rene Simoes, the man who whipped our Boyz into world class shape. And so far, it looks like we’re on the road to South Africa, as evidenced by our 3-0 thrashing of  El Salvador. It’s good to know that for once we weren’t on the receiving end of such a score.

It was refreshing to see the Jamaican colours flying proudly in the stands, and that Jamaica, in spite of everything, was still behind our Boyz. But there’s one thing I’m worried about. Though Burrell seems to have kicked the Boyz out of its lethargy, I’m wondering if it’s too little too late. Plus a lot of the Reggae Boyz are inexperienced youngsters, as most if not all of the original Boyz are playing overseas. So if Rene comes back, he won’t be as familiar with them as he once was, and he’ll have to recultivate the talent he did with the original team, or maybe even exceed that. So I’m a bit skeptical. I have faith in my team yes, but there are just too many things wrong with the programme for me to blindly believe that things will suddenly return to normal. In closing, I don’t think Bora deserved to be dumped the way he did. He was working with a limited pool of talent, talent that needed time to develop. And we Jamaicans expected him to turn these rookies into world class ‘ballers. With these unrealistic expectations, it’s little wonder why he failed.

Just wanna clear things up. Readers, my blog isn’t dead (and neither am I). Same goes for you spammers, ’cause since my absence, I’ve seen a dramatic surge in my comment spam, from about 30 per day to 100 or more. But just to let you know, I’ve got Akismet on, so you can try from now til Kingdom come, no spam will get through. I’ve been really, really busy. Schoolwork has had me down, especially last week, where I had four assignments due, all group work, three of them due in the same day. There was a case where a student had a nervous breakdown due to the workload, so you know things are bad. I didn’t even have time to post a hiatus notice. Heck, I barely had time to scratch my head. I didn’t even have time to post on my blog’s 2nd anniversary, which was on November 16th. The assignments are in, but the battle isn’t over yet, as finals are fast approaching, and I don’t have a single textbook. So you know I’ll have to work even harder for a 1st class GPA.  But I’ll make it up to you during Christmas the holidays (damn political correctness) and post like hell. So just putting you on notice. I’m back!

The “free” light bulb scandal took a interesting turn yesterday as Kern Spencer, former Minister of of State in the Ministry of Investment, Technology, Energy and Commerce, openly wept during the sitting of the House of Representatives. My parents, after seeing it on the news, couldn’t stop talking about it the entire night. In fact, it caused a bit of an argument, with my dad wanting Kern’s head and my mom arguing that he’s being used as a scapegoat. This is the first time I’ve seen this. A politician being raked over the coals. No resignation or excuses of “youthful exuberance.” Just good ol’ fashioned, unbiased criticism.

Does justice in Jamaica actually extend to the elite? Perhaps. Mr. Spencer was noticeably nervous during the sitting, but Clive Mullings’ statement, “This is not just a question of irregularities; this raises questions of fraud,” seems to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, or rather, the hand that turned on the tap, as Kern began crying soon after that. I’m not saying the guy’s guilty or anything, but it looks rather suspicious. Why would an innocent cry? Plus he couldn’t even defend himself, even when his fellow party members urged him to. Was the realization that he could actually face jail time, and that his peers no longer had the power to shield him too much? I think so.

Strangely enough (yeah right), Phillip “Senõr Scandal” Paulwell, the Minister formerly in charge of the Ministry, showed up one hour and 36 minutes late. (Probably working on his alibi.) Still, part of me is a bit suspicious of the transparency of these proceedings. Is Kern really guilty, or is he just the fall guy, taking the rap for Paulwell? If he is indeed guilty, then he should feel the full weight of the law. He and all others involved. Plain and simple. We’ve seen too many politicians get away scot-free from scandals that would have cost the average Joe decades of his life behind bars. If this is done, then Jamaicans will come to the realization that power, prestige, and wealth do not shield you from the long arm of the law, and that the law doesn’t apply to some, it applies to all. Maybe then Jamaicans will think twice before engaging in illegal acts.

Hello there folks. It’s offbeat news time, meaning it’s time for some WTF?! This post will throw you for a loop. Turns out that the young people, in their never-ending quest to destroy their bright futures, have invented a brand new drug. But as you know, young people don’t have much money, besides allowance and change from lunch, so obviously this drug isn’t as expensive or as glamourous as coke or ecstasy. In fact, it’s free, and manufacturing it doesn’t require a knowledge of chemistry. The ingredients can be found in the nearest toilet. Yeah. This drug is da shit. Literally.

Jenkem, also called Butthash, Waste, Fruit from Crack Pipe, and my favourite, Leroy Jenkems, is a homemade drug created by fermenting faeces and urine in a bottle from a couple days to a couple hours, normally with a balloon attached to the top to collect the gas. The gas is then inhaled, giving the user a euphoric high. Users say they feel “out of it” and are even able to commune with the dead. But before you try it (dear God, please tell me I’m wrong), just be prepared to deal with your mouth tasting like a sewer for a couple days afterward. Just when I thought I couldn’t lose any more faith in humanity. Where are those Columbine guys when you need them? I know you wouldn’t believe me, so see for yourself.

Jenkem isn’t really new. It originated in Africa, where they would sniff their accumulated waste to escape the grinding poverty they endured. Now it’s being taken up by bratty Western kids with too much time on their hands. Hooray for globalization! This is a rather sad and pathetic way to get high. Why can’t they buy a bag o’ weed and split it amongst themselves like normal people? Or at least share a blunt! Disclaimer: This blog does not endorse the use of marijuana or any other illegal narcotic. But why are you so disgusted? You’re almost just as bad! When you fart, don’t you sometimes take a whiff, especially if you think it’s a rancid one? C’mon. Admit it. We’ve all done it. Sniffing poop gas? What’s next? People drinking shit? Oh wait.

Ok folks. Today’s post will be about romance novels. Ok wait! Don’t close the browser window, or question my sexuality! I have a genuine reason for posting this, which I will reveal soon. I had long wondered what was the fascination with women and romance novels. I understood the fascination with soap operas. In fact I used to watch them with my mom, before I got older, and as such, was forced to conform to Jamaica’s hyper-masculine culture, more so due to the fact that I went to an all boys’ school. Not like I cared.

Anyway, to satisfy this curiosity, I read one of my mom’s romance novels, trying my hardest to withstand that lovey-dovey crap women seem to like. But one part caught my attention. It was the lovemaking part (big surprise), and I have to tell you, it was surprisingly well-written. Every aspect of the act was described in painstaking detail. The setting, the sounds, the smells, and of course, the motions. (I did this years ago. I wonder why it didn’t occur to me to post this?) Ashamedly I must admit that it was getting me a little hot. Maybe because of the powerful wording or the fact that I was just a bundle of hormones back then. I like to think it was the latter. I locked the book, my quest for discovery being complete. Then came to the realization…that romance novels are porn for women! It made perfect sense. After all, women are verbal, men are visual. That would explain the different ways we get our kicks.

And these trashy novels have plots thinner than the pages they’re written on, just like a typical porn movie. (Hmm. I wonder how many hits I’m gonna get for mentioning porn? Porn, porn, pornitty, porn. That should give the ol’ hit counter a workout.) Need proof? Many of them have similar titles, containing the word “heart,” “secret,” “sun,” “moon,” or some reference to marriage or a geographical location. Check it. And no, I haven’t been reading that many to see the similarity! I just see them on the magazine racks at the supermarket. Really! And the guys are always perfectly chiseled, to Herculean proportions, that no living man could match up to. Heh. Seems like women are just as shallow as we are. But I wonder why you don’t see women reading them anymore? Well, not nearly as much as they did when I was in high school. They were mainly read by lovesick young women, reinforcing their naive perceptions of love. I guess it’s because we live in more liberal times, so women are freer to live out their fantasies. Wow! That was a surprisingly entertaining rant! And to put the icing on the cake, check out these fictional romance novels!

God damnit! It’s that time of year again! Christmas is coming. You may say, “Leon, it’s November. Why are you talking about Christmas already?” Then you haven’t been paying attention to the media, have you? Know the old saying, “Christmas comes earlier every year?” Well, this year it came before Halloween. Last week Sunday, I was washing dishes when I heard a Christmas ad on the radio from Singer. It was the typical Christmas ad. Jingle bells in the background and that sickening “family togetherness” crap. I looked in the sink and saw a knife, thought of that happy little Brady Bunch family, and started dreaming of a Red Christmas, if you know what I mean. That brought a slight grin to my face, and temporarily sated my anger at the blatant commercialization of the holiday. I guess retailers are drooling at the prospect of raiding our wallets, so they’re getting us in the holiday spirit early. No. Not that holiday spirit. The spirit of buying useless, overpriced trinkets. Screw peace and goodwill! Money is what matters!

If you’re asking, “why do I hate Christmas?,” well here’s my answer to you. I don’t hate Christmas. I hate what society has turned it into. If you don’t have any money, you can’t celebrate Christmas. Simple. That shouldn’t be the case, but it is true. People only say, “it doesn’t feel like Christmas” when they’re broke. With that in mind, I should be buying my gifts right now before they price them to high heaven, but sadly I don’t have any money. I’ll have to get myself a Christmas job. But before you get suckered in by all the decorations, lights, jingle bells, santas, and other generic Christmas elements, just remember that Christmas lasts for only one day, no matter how major retail chains wanna drag it out. So don’t spend too much money on gifts, especially if they’re for children. No matter how big the present is, chances are Junior will stop playing with it by mid-January. So it doesn’t make sense buying something that takes you a dozen or more payments to complete. And please, remember the most important part of Christmas. Otherwise it’s utterly pointless, no matter how many gifts you have under the Christmas tree.

P.S. A friend of mine actually got jacked by Santa Claus a couple years back. Really! A dude dressed up as Santa rode up to him on a bicycle and robbed him clean. Well, at least he got robbed by jolly ol’ St. Nick. Maybe the elves fell short on their quota and he needed the money for presents!