My thoughts…on stuff

When you think of sports, what comes to mind? More than likely baseball, basketball, football, track and field, extreme ironing, crick…wait! What? Well that sport actually exists. It’s quite popular, and there are many more sports more absurd than that. Don’t believe me? Well how about worm charming? Or the World Beard Championships? Or Faceball? I’d list more, but I wouldn’t want any of my readers to fall into depression and commit suicide over how profoundly stupid the human race has become. I’m all for curing the grinding boredom of the everyday, but this ridiculous!

The bar for what’s regarded as a sport has really fallen, hasn’t it? The inventors of these idle amusements are just what you’d expect. Young, pasty white guys living in their mom’s basements with a lotta time on their hands. And the funny thing is, all of these sports are quite popular. You’d be amazed by the following these sports have. Proof that one fool really does make many. But in the end, what defines a sport? Is it the following? Is it the acceptance? Is it the difficulty? If these sports fulfill these criteria, then why should we stop them from being called sports? People probably laughed when the guy that invented the javelin throw wanted to make a sport out of chucking a stick. Who knows? Maybe sometime in the near future, cheese rolling will be an Olympic sport.

They say dogs are a man’s best friend. Well, except one. Michael Vick. The dogfighting scandal he’s been embroiled in has sent his career…well, to the dogs. I wasn’t gonna post on this until I saw an article about Mike’s trading cards being chewed up by dogs and sold on EBay. (If that isn’t poetic justice, I don’t know what is.) That’s when it became postworthy.

Turns out these cards are selling like bombs in an Islamic country. Each card is worth $455, making them the most expensive Michael Vick cards - ever. I feel sorry for the guy. This scandal has ruined him, both professionally and personally. Dogfighting is savage, I agree. Plus the dogs that lost or were unfit to fight met a cruel end, via electrocution, drowning, strangulation, etc. But people have blown it out of proportion. They make it seem as if he killed somebody. Well, it would’ve been better if he did that. At least he could’ve become a rapper. I suppose it’s because Americans have such an unnatural love for their pets.

Vick’s being targeted by humane societies because he’s got money, fame and status. (It could also be a race issue.) If it was any average Joe, it wouldn’t even make the evening news. Still, being a celebrity, he should’ve known better, ’cause when people love you, they love you. And when they hate you, boy do they hate you. Well Mike, whatcha gonna do now? Well, with that muscular physique, you could flip more burgers than all the staff at the local BK.

Yesterday, Nicole Ritchie was released from jail after serving time in prison. Length of time: 3:15 pm to 4:37 pm, 82 harrowing minutes. Gee. I wonder who’ll get the movie rights. 82 friggin’ minutes?! That’s how long it takes me to get to school during rush hour! Do they really expect Nicole to contemplate the consequences of her destructive behaviour in such a short period of time? Is it me, or is Justice not as blind as we once thought?

I mean she once got arrested once for driving her SUV under the influence…the wrong way! She also confessed to smoking weed and using Vicodin, while four months pregnant! This girl deserves at least 82 days. And this all took place at the LA county jail for women, where her buddy Paris did time. Hmm, I wonder if she was trying to get arrested so that she could whip up the media frenzy that surrounded Paris’ release. Sorry Nic. Paris outclasses you on all levels of skininess, skankiness, ditziness, shallowness and purposelessness. Could’ve been worse. She could’ve gotten the draconian sentence of four days she was originally meant to serve.

Despite all we’ve done, for some strange reason, God still loves us. that’s the only explanation for why Hurricane Dean suddenly veered to the south, sparing Jamaica its full fury. Hmm. Dean changing course? Could Mother Nature be telling us something? But let me not politicize our blessing. Besides some scattered leaves, loosened zinc and a broken tree limb, my family and I are ok. We were lucky, as we live near some hills, so it acted as sort of a shield from the wind. The loss of electricity reminded us of how much we depend on technology and all the other creature comforts of modern life. But all of Jamaica wasn’t as lucky as us. The print and electronic media were filled with images of sheer destruction, to both public and private property. Three people died. It was clear that Dean clearly outranked Ivan, though some people in my opinion, deserved it, as they had not heeded the warnings. Some of them were humourous, as the one with a concrete house being held up with rope. Others were awe-inspiring, as the Suzuki Swift washed up on the wall, and most were depressing, such as wooden houses reduced to piles of splintered wood and twisted zinc. The recovery effort is in full swing, but sadly, people are trying to politicize it. JLP doesn’t want to give water to PNP and vice versa. Are we Jamaicans so immature that we can’t put aside politics long enough to help our fellow man? Right now Dean is dying a slow death in Mexico, downgraded to a tropical storm. Right now, I’m just hoping the JPS doesn’t hit us with a “Hurricane Dean Recovery Charge.”

It’s currently 2:58 am. The rest of my family is asleep. I would like to as well, but with Hurricane Dean approaching, I’m just a bit too restless to sleep right now. Plus if I am to die, I would like to see death awake. Kidding! Dean is supposed to arrive later in the morning, and many Jamaicans are in fear, as it is supposed to be stronger than Hurricane Gilbert, and Gilbert has been the gold standard for hurricanes ever since. And since I was a “Gilbert baby,” I must confess that I’m a bit curious, as I’ve never seen the devastating effects of a hurricane. But given the damage Dean dealt to countries like Dominica and St. Lucia, my curiosity need not be satisfied. As for preparations, my family is moderately prepared. We’ve done everything except battening down and getting batteries. We spent far more time at the supermarket today, as there was an immense crowd there, the norm whenever there’s an impending hurricane. (This must be like Christmas for them). It was so packed that trolleys ran about, and people had to carry their goods in boxes, and essentials like rice, sugar and flour ran out in no time. Strangely, the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition banded together to counter the threat. Unexpected, but welcome. But there’s one set of people that actually welcome calamities like this - looters; those who display the worst of what it means to be Jamaican. In their case, I wouldn’t mind a little police brutality. Well, that’s it. Pray for me and my fellow Jamaicans, and I hope the next time I post, it will be on a positive note.

*knocks on monitor* Hey you. Do you have a toddler? If you do, chances are you have a Baby Einstein DVD, and you probably stuff it down his/her throat, making them watch it day in and day out in the hopes that your little rugrat will become all that you failed to be, right? Well if you do, you may be turning your kid into Homer. Not the great Greek poet. Homer Simpson. A study by The University of Washington revealed that for every hour a day that babies 8 to 16 months old were shown “Brainy Baby” or “Baby Einstein,” they knew six to eight fewer words than other children.

Really? Teaching your kid to sit on his/her fat ass watching TV from an early age makes them stupider? Who’da thunk it? I always suspected that Baby Einstein was overrated, but I didn’t know it was this bad. Understandably, Disney, owner of Baby Einstein, is not pleased, and wanted the release retracted. Thankfully the President of the University had the balls to stand up to Mickey’s minions.

And guess what? It was found that children whose parents read to them or told them stories had larger vocabularies, and parental involvement was important to childhood development. So don’t think that there are shortcuts to raising a brilliant kid. My mom taught me spelling and math from an early age with a blackboard, a couple sticks of chalk, and a firm hand. And I think I came out pretty well, don’t you think? But despite this evidence, I know Baby Einstein won’t be harshly affected, as Americans have an insatiable hunger for convenience, which seemingly extends to the upbringing of children. Sad. If America is already such a stupid country, then I shudder to think of what the Baby Einstein generation will be like.

It’s that thing that happens every 5 years in Jamaica, and washes the island in a sea of orange and green. It’s Jamaica’s general elections, and as usual, the PNP and JLP are duking it out of control of the country. The NDM and…Ras Astor Black as well (I guess to be fair, I have to name them all). But this election is of great significance, far greater than any in recent memory. if the PNP remains in office, Portia will have her 1st full term as PM, and the PNP will remain in power for an unprecedented 5th term. If the JLP wins, Jamaica will have its first change of government in 18 years.

So which party am I rooting for? Well, it’s more a matter of which party I’m NOT rooting for. The PNP has been in power for the last 18 years, yet Jamaica is a far way from what its founder, Norman Manley, envisioned. in fact, its far worse. I fear if the PNP wins again, Jamaica will be under the rule of a “democratic dictatorship,” and corruption, incompetence and arrogance will run unchecked. After all, “absolute power corrupts absolutely.” The hot new slang “not changing course” arose out of this political circus, and has now become part of popular culture. With so much on the line, both parties are campaigning aggressively. Not an hour of the day passes when you don’t hear a campaign ad on TV or radio. Most of them feature some sort of jingle or person talking in the “common tongue” (obviously in an effort to appeal to the poor, who engage the most in politics but are betrayed by being used as pawns by politicians).

The NDM, interestingly enough, is promising to legalize ganja if they win the elections. (must be trying to get the Rastafarian vote). In addition to being one of the most important elections in recent years, it is also one the most eventful. Early in the race, Portia played the “God card” (Yugioh pun not intended). A clever tactic, as Jamaica has more churches per square capita than anywhere else on earth. the JLP soon realized this and harshly criticized the PM, though they have picked up the tactic and used it in a more subtle way. The PNP has now gone underground with that tactic. No more bold declarations, but they’re still pushing the “chosen leader” bit. Haven’t these people heard of separation of Church and State? Whatever happens, you can bet I’ll be watching.

…to the new home of My thoughts…on stuff! Pull up a chair, and make yourself comfortable. I haven’t finished packing completely, but enough to start life here. Thanks to Taylor for helping me with the transition. There will be a few drawbacks to the move, like loss of Pagerank and the potential loss of readers during the transition, but I’m confident that the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages. All this reminds me of Stunner’s adventures in finding a suitable living environment. Hope I won’t have nearly as much trouble. So have fun and enjoy the refreshments. Just don’t spike the punch bowl.

As all of civilization knows, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, the seventh and final of the series, was released little over three weeks ago. It got a release worthy of a Hollywood movie, and sold a record breaking 8.3 million copies in the U.S. in its first 24 hours of release and 72 million worldwide. All that, despite fundies protesting that Harry is the spawn of Satan and will sodomize their children with his wand. Enough already! Potter ain’t evil! In fact, saying that Harry Potter is evil is the same as saying Bewitched and The Fairly Oddparents are evil. Check this post for more of my thoughts on this.

I’ve also noticed something very peculiar. Welcome, but peculiar. Kids are actually reading again! Seriously! I never thought this generation would ever be able to get their eyes off their monitors. But Potter’s bringing sexy reading back! Kids are begging their parents to get these books, and jump for joy when they get them, as if they were getting a hot new toy. When I was young and I got a book, I thought, “cheapskates.” But not anymore. J.K. Rowling must be pretty happy. With Deathly Hallows out and Order of the Phoenix in theatres now, she can roll around buck naked in her pile of muggle money. A pleasant thought indeed (she is kinda hot).

I feel a sense of finality (and a little sadness) with the end of the series. Though I’m hesitant to admit it, I am a Potter fan. At the beginning of The Sorcerer’s Stone movie, I was like “what the hell is this?” By the end, I was intrigued. It’s hard not to get sucked into the world of Harry Potter. The characters are well developed (Hermoine pun not intended). Many of them grow during the series, with interesting backstories behind them all. Few of them morally ambiguous, especially Professor Snape. The plot is captivating and well thought out, with surprises on every page. And with Deathly Hallows, all the plot holes are taken care of. It’s a small wonder why Rowling and brainchild are so successful (and not because of some secret pact with Satan to corrupt the youth of the world). Goodbye Harry, and thanks for adding a little magic to this bleak world.