My thoughts…on stuff

Tired of the same old Earth? Want a bigger, better Earth, with new frontiers to explore? Well wait no longer! Introducing Earth 2.0, now with pop-up blocker! It’s been the biggest news story since Virginia Tech. A new earth like planet, Gliese 581 C, has been located outside the solar stystem, in the constellation Libra. It is 50% larger than Earth, may have a rocky surface like Earth’s and may have liquid water on its surface. Screw Al Gore and his global warming talk! We’ve got a backup world now, so when this one is destroyed, (which is almost certain due to corporate greed and public indifference) we can take the nearest starship to that one and begin its destruction!

But curb your enthusiasm for a minute. All this excitement over this new world, yet no one has considered the fact that there may be aliens over there. There may be giant killer bugs there like in Starship Troopers, big headed Martianesque aliens like in Mars Attacks!, or Orion slave girls like in Star Trek…with killer STDs, dozens of times more potent than what Paris Hilton’s got festering in her crotch right now! It’s 20.5 light years away, so were not gonna be visiting there any time soon. In fact, there’s a very strong possibility that our descendants will explore that strange new world, that is, unless humanity destroys itself first. Let’s hope we develop warp drive before we’re forced to evolve gills.

And another thing, Gliese 581 C orbits its sun every 13 days, so in a standard Earth year, you’d be 28 years older! Gonna be awkward for people living on that planet. The kids won’t mind, as they’ll have a birthday every fortnight. Plus it’s scientists’ job to dish out theories, probabilities and other impractical junk just to justify the massive budgets they get. I’ve heard tons of exciting news about possible scientific breakthroughs, but I’ve rarely seen any of them become reality. So until I set foot on that planet (which I probably won’t), I’ll file this in the “What if?” section.