My thoughts…on stuff

Everyone in the cricketing world, and with the media coverage it’s getting, possibly the whole world, knows about the death of coach Bob Woolmer. His mysterious death has almost become a real life CSI, but with far less evidence, and the media is gobbling it up, eagerly awaiting the next finding, no matter how trivial it may be. At once his death was thought to be a suicide, which I thought to be strange. I know that the Pakistanis are insanely (and I do mean INSANE) passionate about cricket, I didn’t think he’d take his life out of fear of them. His death brought a shroud of gloom upon the festive event, and gave Jamaica the distinct dishonour of hosting the first Cricket World Cup involving a death. “This can’t be too good for our image,” I thought to myself, as we already hold the uneviniable title of crime capital of the world. They even mentioned it on the Wikipedia page about his death, and in Time as well. Well guess what guys. We don’t randomly kill people like the sickos in your country. When we kill, we kill with a purpose. I also feared that people would somehow try to blame us for his death, further blemishing our reputation in the eyes of the world. But I realize that my fears were unfounded, as it was a suicide.

Fast forward about a week later, and now its a murder. Asphyxia by manual strangulation. I now realize how valid my fears really are. I read The Star yesterday, and they said that the mode of execution just doesn’t fit a typical Jamaican’s profile. Firstly, the death was too clean, too precise. The typical Jamaican would just kill, then focus on gettin’ the hell outta there! And secondly, it didn’t involve a gun, or a knife. When we Jamaicans kill, we want it done and we want it done now. No time or patience for setting up bombs or poisoning drinks. We just find you and get to work. Yup, this death was too professionally done to be the work of an average Yardie. Which brings up the theory that his death may have been ordered by a betting syndicate. I hope that’s the case, because if a Jamaican’s involved, the results would be disastrous, and be felt for years to come. I know the BBC would proudly display the article, as I think they’ve got a thing for us. “See! I knew those damn Yardies couldn’t be trusted to hold a civilized event! Not halfway through and they had to shed the blood of one of our own. What we’re we thinking when we granted them independence? All they’re good for is selling drugs, forming gangs, having sex with white women for citizenship and worshipping their pagan god Jah!” It looks like the Caribbean will successful host this Cricket World Cup, but you know how people like to remember the negatives. Yes sir, Woolmer’s death will be remembered long after the gear has worn and the trophy has faded.