Categories: Celebrity

I really don’t know why I’m doing this. This will be another in a long line of articles about that overprivileged skank Paris Hilton. And as much as I don’t want to play my part in keeping her in the public eye, I somehow feel compelled to. That’s the kind of hold she has over myself and the rest of the media. Anyway, back to the post at hand. Paris Hilton’s once small breasts have turned into huge knockers overnight, and many are asking “surgery or push-up bra?” If she really is wearing a push-up bra then this may just be what millions of grandmas have been waiting for. More than likely she had surgery. Don’t know why. She seemed fine being head of the itty-bitty-titty committee. But I guess she wasn’t satisfied with the amount of sexual attention her sex tape, making out in public, boob flashes, adult video awards and camera phone nudie pics.

But there’s one possibility people haven’t considered. Maybe when she went down on Cee Lo of Gnarls Barkley, his man juice ran down her chest and the high fat content caused some sort of reaction with one or more of the STIs in her vast collection and caused her boobs to swell. I followed some stray links to that pic, and trust me, it made me gasp. Good thing there were censor bars over it to prevent me from going completely blind. Well I guess when you’re famous for being famous, you need something to keep your name in the tabloids and to distract from your glaring failures as an actress, singer, and all-around human being.