Categories: Celebrity

Yup, turns out Angelina Jolie assimilated…I mean adopted yet another child from a third world country. This time it was a three-year old boy from Vietnam named Pham Quang Sang. Say that five times fast. He’s been renamed Four of…(ahem), Pax Thien Jolie, the next to join the multi-cultural grab bag she calls a family. I wonder why she adopts all these children? Maybe she’s trying to play the good humanitarian and help as many kids as she can. Maybe she’s one of those quirky celebrities (you know the ones), and wants to have a “collection” of kids. Maybe she’s trying to overthrow the leaders of her kids’ respective countries of origin, and is using adoption as a means to gain political power. I mean look at the way they treated her in Namibia! She was so guarded heavily while with child you’d think Fort Knox was under her skirt or something. And when her kid was born, she was immediately offered Namibian citizenship. They didn’t just roll out the red carpet for her, they gave her the entire carpet factory!

I think she’s trying to assimilate all of the children in the world and raise an army of drones to finally assimilate the entire planet. I mean look at her! That kind of beauty is not natural! If this is what she really plans to do, there’d be little resistance. All she’d need to do is look at you with those seductive eyes and utter these words from her soft, pouty lips, “resistance is futile.” That’d be it for me. I commend Angelina on her third adoption, especially given the fact that the tyke was an orphan abandoned at birth. But I hope she doesn’t get too carried away with the adoption thing. We don’t want anymore Nicole Richies in this world. And who knows? Maybe I’d like life as a drone.