My thoughts on…Osama Bin Laden’s 50th birthday
March 12th 2007 -
Osama Bin Laden’s 50th birthday was last Saturday. That is, assuming he’s alive, which he probably is, despite the fact that no one’s heard from him in quite some time. As expected, the Internet was flooded with tributes to Islam’s “great leader.” On this side of the world, Americans were using the day to remember the lives lost on 9/11 and other terrorist attacks. I didn’t think that Bin Laden would live that long, with trigger-happy cowboy Bush at the helm. Too bad he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn, or rather, a cave. Still, I wonder how Bin Laden and his followers would have celebrated the occasion. It’d probably go something like this:
Bin Laden: Thank you all for coming. Please, wipe your feet on the gravel and leave your presents by the large boulder.
Follower #1: Here’s your cake, great leader.
Bin Laden: Thank you. Its got George W. Bush on it, and its chocolate…my favourite!
Follower #1: That’s right sir. It also has strawberry filling, so when you finally cut the cake, you can stab the infidel in his heart and watch the blood ooze out of his evil heart.
Bin Laden: Nice.
Follower #1: And speaking of murder, check out my present.
Bin Laden: [Holds box to ear and shakes it] Is it the head of the President of the United States?
Follower #1: Yes exalted one! Open it!
Bin Laden: [Opens excitedly, then frowns] This is the head of Dick Cheney!
Follower #1: I thought you wanted the President’s head, sir?
Bin Laden: Yes, but not the actual one’s. The titular one’s!
Follower #1: You should’ve been more specific sir. I went through a lot of trouble to get that. I became one of his hunting buddies to gain his trust, but somehow he found out and shot me in the face! I tell you, there’s a traitor among us!
Bin Laden: No, he does that to all his buds.
Follower #1: Really?
Bin Laden: Yeah.
Follower #2: Way to go Eugene.
Follower #1: Shut it. My name is now Abdullah now. Way cooler.
Follower #2: Too bad you aren’t.
Follower #1: Shhh.
Bin Laden: Enough! Next gift!
Follower #2: Yes sir. I present you with something that will appeal to your love of Whitney Houston.
Bin Laden: You kidnapped her and brought her here! Excellent!
Follower #2: [Clears throat] Actually sir, I have one of her CDs. Her latest one, One Wish.
Bin Laden: That came out in 2003! I have it already!
Follower #2: But I don’t see it in your collection.
Bin Laden: It’s on my hard drive. I downloaded it off LimeWire.
Follower #2: Oh. I’ll get right on the kidnapping sir.
Bin Laden: Good. Oh, one more thing. There’s a hotel in Hawaii that needs bombing, and I know just the guys to do it.
Followers #1 and #2: Hawaii sir? Really?
Bin Laden: Yes. Now get moving. If you leave now, you’ll miss out on the buffet. Now get going, and may Allah be with you.
Followers #1 and #2: Yes exalted one. It will be done.
[They both leave]
Follower #3: I must say great leader, you impress me once again. It’s your birthday, yet you still find time to fight the infidels.
Bin Laden: Nah. Just wanted to kill those guys. They’re real douchebags.
Follower #3: Got that right.
Bin Laden’s birthday must be a pain in the side for the Bush Administration, which used the fight against terrorism as their platform in the 2004 elections. They have failed to deliver on that promise, among other things. Yet the question still remains: Where is Bin Laden hiding? My guess is in the Library of Congress. That’s the last place Bush would look.
geoffreyphilp101@gmail.com Says:
March 12th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Funny post, Leon. I liked how you pulled off the ending. Cool
ryan444123 Says:
March 12th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Go America. Awesome ending. Bin Landen is sooo stupid however. Thanks for the comment.:)
Ryan
http://ryan444123.com
Jdid Says:
March 12th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
how can they not find bin laden. amazing isnt it
Crankyputz Says:
March 13th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Now that was funny…..
Ricardo Says:
March 14th, 2007 at 10:48 am
“Wipe your feet at the gravel” LOL!
I see some of you not in the US are shocked that King George has been unable to track down bin Laden even with all our spy satellites, high tech gadgets and big guns after all. But don’t be. Our king is a ham fisted buffoon and it shows by the way he is misusing our military in places we have no business in. When this government grows weary of being the bulling giant and develops some wits instead, we will find him.
Abeni Says:
March 16th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I think he done dead long time.US propaganda insists he alive