Categories: Celebrity

Life sucks for Kevin Federline. His ATM in heels finally wised up and left him, he’s lost his deal as a model for Five Star Vintage, his CD sales are virtually non-existent, and he’s in the running with George W. Bush for the title of World’s Most Hated Man. Now what does he do? He quits his rapping career (no great loss. He barely had one anyway) and takes up wrestling. And he challenged the champ, John Cena, who crushed him last time, to a New Year’s Day match on Raw. You’re a rookie, yet you wanna take on a pro? How arrogant are we?

I wanted to see the match, but I went to a little get-together with the family. K-Fed said, “None of you know the real Kevin Federline. The real Kevin Federline takes pride in shocking the world, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do when I meet Cena in the ring. My name is not K-Fed. It’s Kevin Federline. I want some and I’m gonna get some.” You said that you “want some” to Cena? Not gay in the least Kevin. Sorry. He actually meant respect, but in a sport known for its homoerotic undertones, I just couldn’t resist. Apparently, K-Fed’s through with getting people to like him, and now demands respect. Yeah, good luck with that.

But just when I thought I had been denied the pleasure of seeing his ass get kicked again, I heard some shocking news. K-Fed actually beat Cena! How could that happen? how could a scrawny, pencil necked whigger beat a seasoned muscular wrestler? Not that he did it by himself, because Umaga helped him, but still! I think Cena felt sorry for the guy and decided to give him a break, was paid to take a dive, or maybe K-Fed’s better at faking wrestling than rapping. Good for you K-Fed. We still don’t like or respect you, despite your victory.