My thoughts…on stuff

It’s here. After all the delays and all of the hype, Vista, code named Longhorn, the long promised operating system that would change the world, was released yesterday. From the way Billy Boy was pushing it, you’d think the thing could operate a computer as well as do your taxes, mow your lawn and cure cancer. But it was received with mixed reaction, a far cry from the thunderous applause he expected. Still, it got a positive reaction from most PC users, the ones still stuck in the Microsoft matrix and thinks they’re the greatest and most revolutionary company since Ford Motors. The rest of us that actually know about Mac, Linux and other alternatives, meh, not so much. Not surprising though. To become as wealthy as, you’ve gotta know how to push your product. I swear, Bill could sell them their own left foot and they’d buy it without hesitation. It was just released a day ago, and already I’ve seen two people with it. (There’s virtually no system on Earth that we Jamaicans can’t break.)

When I first saw it, I thought it was a Mac, the interface being so similar and all. I had to take a second glance to see that it was a Microsoft OS. When I finally realized it, I sighed in the realization that Microsoft was yet again trying to keep up with its competitors the best way it knew how - by mimicking them. They were copying Macintosh this time, imitating their sleek, minimalist interface, trying to shed the bland, boring image those Mac vs. PC ads often poked fun at. Though I didn’t make it much past the Start menu, I could pretty much see that the “upgrade” was little more than cosmetic. Aside from the “new” look, they’ve got a couple new programs like Windows DVD Maker and IE7, a redesign of Windows Explorer, and a supposedly more secure system, although it is rumored that even the lowly XBOX 360 is more secure than it. Though it its defense, when you aim to dumb down make an OS more user friendly, sometimes secrurity has to be sacrificed.

The slogan of the release is “the Wow starts now.” Gee. Do they mean, wow, I paid 500 bucks for this? Or wow, it got a virus already? Or perhaps, wow, does this OS blow! And to make things worse, it is rumoured that Microsoft is on the side of the big movie and record companies, and has some sort of “Big Brother” content protection that could prevent you from flagrantly violating copyright laws (which we all do. C’mon. Admit it). I knew that someday Microsoft would use its powers for evil! As far as I see it, Vista is just a pretty XP with a bunch extra stuff thrown in. More like an expansion than an upgrade, and as much as they try to badger me, I’ll stick with XP. But who am I to prevent Bill Gates from retiring in style?

You remember last year when I posted about the dumbing down of G4? Remember when I said it had better get its act together or it would have one less viewer? Well, it does now, because they didn’t listen to me. And even if they didn’t hear my small voice, they must’ve heard the voices of thousands of fans shouting in protest (or should I say former fans). I know this because when I typed “G4 sucks” into Google, I got 578,000 results. When I typed “G4 rules,” I got a measly 620. That’s a lot of pissed off fanboys! My on/off affair with G4 finally ended last week Friday, when they had dual coverage of both CES and AEE simultaneously. “Two days of gadgets and girls,” they hyped it as. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they were advertising some crap show called “The Block,” which is basically The Real World with snow. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. G4 had moved too far from its technology roots for me to bear, and it was permanently off the favourite channels list on my programmable remote.

I still miss Tech TV. I miss all the technical knowledge I accumulated over all those years. I swear, I could assemble a computer from scratch back then. Now I can barely manage HTML.The descent of G4 came slowly, then suddenly. Non-tech shows like The Man Show and The Whip Set began creeping into its lineup. “It’s ok,” I thought. “A little variety never hurt anybody.” Then another one snuck in. And another. And another. Then before I realized it, over half of G4’s shows were non-tech (15 out of 27 last count), most of the gaming shows like Arena and Judgment Day were scrapped, and other shows were revamped to appeal to “a wider demographic” or incorporated non-tech elements, like “In Your Pants” on AOTS. Unbeknownst to me, this was a sinister plot by the execs at Comcast, G4’s parent company, who wanted to “go after young men more than just going after gaming” and that “gaming has been demonstrated to be too narrow.” I guess that’s partly true. Though we gamers are passionate, we spend far too much time at our consoles and PCs to really watch the boob tube. I think that’s why Kevin Rose jumped ship to work on Digg: he saw it coming. The rest of the staff were sacked, quit, or had to put with the whims of the big wigs.

The result? A television lineup that looks like it was tailored for frat boys, with porn jokes galore, gorgeous but ultimately vapid TV hosts, and a grab bag of programs with absolutely no relation to each other whatsoever. G4 now looks a lot like Spike TV, car chases, Star Trek and all. But guess what? Spike doesn’t suck! And they boast about being “the fastest growing network in America.” Yeah, if CNN sold out and showed all-women’s beach volleyball it’d grow fast too! And did I mention the reruns? Oh, the reruns! You can miss a week of G4 and return with nothing unchanged. Fact is G4, you’ve lost touch with your core audience while targeting another, losing your identity in the process. And a network without a core audience cannot stand. No amount of fancy intros and elaborate sets can change that fact. Now that G4’s dead to me, what’s next? Well, I may stick around for a bit of X-Play, though Morgan Webb isn’t as attractive to me as she once was, Adam’s devolved into a complete man-child, and the skits are no longer funny. I may also stick around for Star Trek TNG 2.0, as they’ve got some interesting Trek facts. I don’t give a damn about the stock market or the cyberbabble. Otherwise, I’m through. I’m hearing that they’re gonna kill G4, rename it and show 80’s shows like Knight Rider and Transformers. Good. Put it out of my misery. I’d rather see G4 killed than see it limp on in the pathetic state it’s in.

Reality TV - possibly the greatest oxymoron of the century, as there is nothing “real” about it. The situations, the locales, the people, none of it. Even now I scratch my head wondering why people would be so captivated by watching average Joes parade in front of the camera. I guess middle America likes to watch itself. Then again, the things with the stupidest premises often make for surprise successes. Remember when people laughed at bottled water? The earliest reality show I can remember is Candid Camera, but the craze really started with a little show called Survivor. People flocked to their boob tubes to watch a bunch of whiny city slickers “survive” on an island that looks like it should be in a travel brochure. With a name like Survivor, you’d think that they’d set it in a savage unforgiving jungle, complete with cannibalism and the occasional mauling by a feral cat. Now that’s a Survivor I could get into!

The ratings were off the charts, and sure enough, it triggered an onslaught of knockoffs and ushered in the age of reality, and simultaneously, the decline of Western civilization. The idea of reality TV was originally based solely on the Survivor formula: stick a bunch of completely incompatible people in an isolated area and watch the ratings soar. Reality TV has taken a broader approach as of late, more than likely because all the good ideas were taken so quickly and not because of any desire to create fresh content. You’ve got reality shows that feature anything from weak parents and the little monsters that dominate them to single women vying for the affection of a pseudo celeb. And for a while, things were good. But nowadays reality TV has taken a downturn, as evidenced by Survivor: Cook Islands‘ poor performance. Here are three reasons why. Firstly, oversaturation. In the rush for ratings gold, virtually every network has at least one reality show, and as a result, it has declined in quality. Every conceivable thing has been televised, no matter how remotely entertaining. And reality shows don’t change. It’s the same concept, just different people and locations, season after season. Plus others and myself are tired of seeing people eat animal testicles on Fear Factor.

Secondly, celebrities. Reality TV has made stars out of many people, so now celebs are starring in their own reality shows to feed their already oversized egos. Others are using it as a shortcut to stardom. The whole appeal of reality TV was to watch real people, not celebrities and overacting wannabes. And thirdly, better competition. TV dramas are the only thing that could match reality TV’s ratings, and they’re back with a vengeance. With new and exciting dramas on like 24, Lost, Heroes, Gay’s…sorry, Grey’s Anatomy, and that Jeopardy for retards, Deal or No Deal, people really don’t give a damn about seeing drunk, oversexed teenagers fight over which roomate they’ve got make out rights to.

So is this the end of reality TV? No, not by a long shot. It isn’t the fab genre it once was, but the hits are still around. Two of the better ones, The Apprentice and American Idol are back. I view The Apprentice as grooming for my future in the corporate world. As for American Idol, I don’t hate it, I’m just not a fan. But any show that makes me feel better about my awful singing voice is definitely worth watching. There is still crap out there though, and there will continue to be, as long as network execs sense that there are still people unwilling to get off the couch. To you, I say this: reality is what happens OFF TV. So get off your fat ass and get a life!

As you know, the Golden Globe Awards took place last night, or as I like to call them, the NOT Oscars. I didn’t watch all of this latest in a long line of self-congratulatory award shows, as I was watching Enterprise. In fact, I watched virtually none of it. The only thing I saw was part of Jeremy Irons’ long winded acceptance speech. I couldn’t stand watching all of it. The only thing worse than a long winded acceptance speech is a long winded acceptance speech by a Brit, especially when they try to crack a joke. The British accent is a rather serious one. That’s probably why there aren’t much British comedians around. I saw the post and pre award shows. That counts for something right? You can’t blame me for my lack of interest. I’m not really into award shows. Most of the movies I’ve never heard of, let alone seen. I really don’t care about the hot fashions the starlets are wearing, and I don’t care about how much work you put into capturing the gayness of your character. For those who were actually rooting for Hollywood finest, here’s a run down of who won:

Cecil B. DeMille Award: Warren Beatty
Best Motion Picture - Drama: Babel
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama: Helen Mirren – The Queen
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama: Forest Whitaker – The Last King Of Scotland
Best Motion Picture - Musical Or Comedy: Dreamgirls
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy: Meryl Streep – The Devil Wears Prada
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical Or Comedy: Sacha Baron Cohen – Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan
Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture: Jennifer Hudson – Dreamgirls
Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture: Eddie Murphy – Dreamgirls
Best Animated Feature Film: Cars
Best Foreign Languge Film: Letters From Iwo Jima
Best Director - Motion Picture: Martin Scorsese – The Departed
Best Screenplay - Motion Picture: The Queen
Best Original Score - Motion Picture: The Painted Veil
Best Original Song - Motion Picture: “The Song Of The Heart” – Happy Feet
Best Television Series - Drama: Grey’s Anatomy
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Drama: Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer
Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Drama: Hugh Laurie – House
Best Television Series - Musical Or Comedy: Ugly Betty
Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy: America Ferrera – Ugly Betty
Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy: Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Best Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made for Television: Elizabeth I
Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Helen Mirren – Elizabeth I
Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Bill Nighy – Gideon’s Daughter
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Emily Blunt – Gideon’s Daughter
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Jeremy Irons – Elizabeth I

Is it over? Good. For a minute there I thought I was gonna get Carpal Tunnel. The TV show categories were the ones I had some passing interest in. After all, I do watch some of them. Congrats to Hugh Laurie and Alec Baldwin. I love House and 30 Rock. Congrats to you as well Eddie Murphy. Now you can hit Mel B over the head with your award AND disown her child! Martin Scorsese, hope the win eases the pain of not having won an Oscar. Hope they don’t screw you over this year. Sacha, I’m glad you won. It’s not every day someone makes a train wreck of a movie and wins an award for it. You’re an inspiration to wannabe filmakers everywhere. To the rest of the winners, I don’t really care, but thumbs up nonetheless. I leave you with Sacha’s speech, which I’m so sad I missed.

“I want to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press. And I just want to say this movie was a life-changing experience. I saw some amazing, beautiful, invigorating parts of America. But I saw some dark parts of America. An ugly side of America. A side of America that rarely sees the light of day. I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my co-star Ken Davitian. Ken, as I…when I was in that scene, and I stared down and saw your two wrinkled Golden Globes on my chin, I thought to myself, ‘I’d better win a bloody award for this.’ And then when my 300 pound co-star decided to sit on my face and squeeze the oxygen from my lungs, I was faced with a choice: death, or to breathe in the air that had been trapped in a small pocket between his buttocks for 30 years. Kenneth, if it was not for that rancid bubble, I would not be here today.”

Today is Martin Luther King Day, a day in which we celebrate the life and work of possibly the greatest black icon. This year is a bit different from previous years, as Coretta Scott King will not be around to join the festivities as she has gone to join her husband. Though Martin Luther King Day is an American celebration, I think blacks everywhere should celebrate it, as we are one race, and a victory for one is a victory for all. I contemplated the divisiveness of our race yesterday as I did my Sunday chores. I don’t know what triggered it. Maybe it was the subconscious knowledge that tomorrow was MLK Day, or maybe it was one of the usual random thoughts that race through my head.

I think blacks are the most divided race, and the ones least aware of their heritage. Look at the Asians. Most of them, even immigrants have some knowledge of their history and a good number of them can speak their native tongue. Look at the Whites. They’re the most historically aware. And how could they not be? Their history is world history. I’m black and though I had no ancestors on it (I think), I can tell you about who was on the Mayflower and where it landed. But what of the blacks? What heritage do we have, and are we aware of it? Do we know who our ancestors are? Do we know of what accomplishments black people have made? The average kid knows about Florence Nightingale, but do they know about Mary Seacole? They know about Thomas Edison, but do they know about his assistant, Lewis Latimer? And I bet many of them don’t know how many famous kings and queens like Akhenaton and Nefertiti were really black.

We can’t put the blame squarely on the shoulders of the white man though. Despite the fact that he took us from our homeland and into 300 years of slavery, failing to record the history of the “things” he used to build his empires, we now have the power and the resources to discover the truth. But why don’t we? Maybe we’ve been told by the white man that we’re inferior so many times that we have actually begun to believe it. Or maybe we think that there’s nothing more to our heritage than rap, drugs and violence? As I thought of this, I realized how little I knew myself, and I felt a little ashamed. So I have begun my own personal journey of discovery, to educate myself on black history. I think all blacks should do the same. I think that if we realize the common history we all share, it will help to unite us, and allow us to hold our heads high with dignity and pride along with the other races. And for the legendary “I have a dream” speech, click here.

Undoubtedly you’ve noticed the return of my old template. I’d pat myself on the back if I could, but I really can’t. I tried to learn the new Blogger code, at which I was largely successful. But that was only half the battle, as I had to learn CSS as well, which is even tougher. I also had to deal with the absolutely unforgiving HTML editor. I printed 20 pages of both the old and new templates, trying as hard as I could to merge them together. But in the end, it was too much for me. So I sought help.

I originally turned to Va Va Voom, the one who designed the original template. After several unanswered emails, she replied saying that she doesn’t know the beta code either. Heck, she rarely even posts on her blog anymore. So I sought the help of about half a dozen other coding experts. One, Stephen Weber, replied. And working together, we ended up with what you see before you. Sure, it needs a whole lot of work, and I missed my intended dealine of January 1st (better late than never right?), but it should be complete by the weekend or early next week. Thanks again Stephen.

The Razr has become dull. The Chocolate has melted. The Helio is now just a phone. The Blackberry has been squashed, and the Blackjack has nothing up its sleeve. What could do this, you may ask? If you really have to ask, then you probably don’t know about the latest and greatest superphone to hit shelves. Behold! The iPhone! I’ve been hearing rumors about a combination iPod and phone for years. In fact, one of my friends told me that his aunt owned one. He was obviously mistaken. I saw it yesterday over at the Apple website, and it was so breathtakingly beautiful that it caused me to stare at the screen for at least 15 seconds. Why? It’s ok. Only a techie would understand my reaction. As I beheld the spectacle, my eyes got watery. It was either because of the sheer beauty of it, or the knowledge that I wouldn’t be able to buy one.

Unlike your ditsy girlfriend, the iPhone is more than just a pretty face. It has so many features that if I were to go in depth, I’d have to devote an entire post to it. But here are the more striking features. Obviously it’s got an iPod built in, but now it’s in widescreen. The screen is touch-sensitive (and hopefully smudge-resistant). The phone is operated using the touchscreen and operates just like a normal phone. Nothing revolutionary here, except for being able to import contacts from your computer or the Net. Web surfing is done via Safari (what else) and it’s got WiFi capability. It also features Apple’s signature polished minimalist look.

It was unveiled on Tuesday at MacWorld. It is being heralded as “the end of the cell phone” by some, and Steve Jobs called it a “magical” device that would “change the world.” I think Apple is up to something. I think they are trying to use the success of the iPod to finally throw a brick through Windows’ dominance. The phone will feature OSX and Safari, and if people get used to these programs, then maybe they won’t be so reluctant to switch to Macs. After all this chit chat, you probably want one right? Well you’ll have to fork out $500 big ones to get your hands on the 4Gig version, which isn’t even the high end one. That honour belongs to the 8Gig version will sell for $600. Both will require a 2-year contract with Cingular. Yes, this is the “discounted” price. So until it’s released in June, you’d better cut back on partying, shopping and eating.

The latest generation of consoles have gone head to head with each other for control of your living room and ultimately your life. This round of the console war has ended, and it was an interesting one indeed. These consoles offered more than the usual increase in processing power and release of games that pack more polygons. Whether it be an improved online experience, more intuitive controls, or more power than even the most hardcore gamer could use up, these consoles have truly revolutionized gaming, and were the object of many a fanboy’s wet dream.

Like the one in Iraq, the console war will probably never end. We all know of the fiasco surrounding the PS3. Now that was truly a battlefield, and not in the metaphorical sense, as there were real casualties. The others were tame in comparison. All were long, grueling tests of both endurance and patience. Christmas was a less savage battle, as the spoils were plentiful and the warriors consisted of less fanboys and more parents hoping to get that present that would make their children return their love. Yet it was the most crucial of all the battles. And we now have the bodycount. The Xbox 360 seems to be the victor, selling 2 million units. The Wii came in second, with 1.8 million units, impressive given the late release. The PS3 came dead last, with only 750,000 units sold.

Serves Sony right for the artificial scarcity I’m pretty sure they created. I mean 400,000 systems for 30 million fans? This either proves that Sony was involved in a corporate conspiracy to validate their price point and create some “bad” publicity, or they need to fire whoever’s in charge of market research. The Wii’s sales were probably boosted by the fact that it was targeted towards more casual and non-gamers. This was a clever marketing strategy, but I believe I speak for most gamers when I say I don’t want Mom and Dad interrupting my Twilight Princess to play Wii Sports. We get enough competition from our younger siblings, thank you very much.

Microsoft is touting the success of the 360. Understandable, as Microsoft hasn’t had much to brag about. The Zune is a flop, no one cares about Soapbox, Firefox is eating away at IE’s dominance, despite the release of its latest version, and Vista will probably receive a lukewarm reception at best. Given the fact that January to March is a sluggish period, console sales now will be negligible. So for now, the battle is over, but not the war.

Coffee. More than a pick-me-up, it is a catalyst for socialization, as ten seasons of Friends has taught us. There’s nothing quite like chilling at the local coffee shop with your friends while drinking a cup o’ Joe extracted from the faeces of an Indonesian cat. Wait! WTF?! That’s exactly what’s happening at Jim Cone’s “Coffee and Tea Ltd.” Kopi Luwak coffee, as it is called, is being sold there for $10 for an 8-ounce cup and $420 for a one-pound bag. Talk about a steaming pile of crap. And guess what? It’s selling like hot bread in winter. Coffee connoisseurs love the taste, despite the gross process. the beans are harvested from the excrement of Civet cats, who eat and digest them. “I’m really interested because of the way that it’s processed,” coffee lover Bonnie Riley said. “It is very rich and soft,” Kopi Luwak drinker Alex Danzberger said. “There’s definitely a different flavor to it and you can’t quite describe what it is. I hate to think what it is but it is very good.” You and me both brother.

These guys seem to have taken a page out of Austin Powers. I bet “it’s a bit nutty.” So lemme get this straight. They want me to pay $10 the eat drink shit? I don’t think so. Something like this could only happen in Minnesota or some other “white” part of the States. This couldn’t fly in Harlem or Brooklyn. Major chains like Starbucks don’t offer it. I wonder why? But why am I surprised? Fear Factor has taught me that nothing is taboo for the American palette. Kopi Luwak lovers, I’ve got some warm, fresh, homemade brownies that you may be interested in. Oh, Domino’s beat me to it. So the next time you say, “This coffee tastes like crap,” you may be paying the brewer a compliment.

When I was heading off to the first day of school this morning, I saw the line at the US Embassy in Liguanea. It was long, as it usually is. But this morning it was unusually long , enough to catch my eye. It almost stretched from one end of the embassy to the next. Most of the people in line were middle aged men and women. By the looks of things, the women were mainly higglers and the men were mainly labourers. All small timers. Not surprising. Like my dad once said, “Foreign is for poor people.” Not like we’re rich. My dad also wants to go abroad. Not out of desperation, just out of desire to expand his business, which is doing quite well despite its small size.

But I wonder why the line was so long this morning? Maybe it was just a fluke? Or maybe it was because of the recent killings, which spooked them into flying out? It never fails to amaze me. No matter how many ridiculous restrictions they throw at us, no matter how many hoops they want us to jump through, no matter how they try to tell us, “We don’t want you here!”, our desire to “gwaan a farin” continues unabated. We want to go to the motherland (not Africa silly. Great Britain) or to America, where the streets are paved with gold, and everyone’s pocket is stuffed to the brim. Obviously that’s not true, but the that’s the impression I get from many aspiring immigrants. They want to life the good life, for their offspring to attain citizenship, to return and show off on their friends back home, with their gaudy clothing and fake accent.

Truth is, many of them have a rude awakening, and end up doing menial jobs like the Mexicans, and aren’t treated much better. Some of them can’t return, unable to face their loved ones after all the boasts they made. And many those who do return try their hardest to create the illusion of success, despite the fact many of them aren’t doing much better than those living out here. I saw The Pursuit of Happyness last Saturday, and trust me, that movie broke that illusion. I don’t know which I liked better, seeing the movie or the faces of the audience, surprised that such hard times could be had in the glorious US of A, as the main character endured great hardships, including living in a bathroom. There are a great many opportunities in Jamaica. I fail to understand why foreigners are the only ones who seem to understand that. Most large companies here are foreign based. But we couldn’t be more ready to jump ship. Sad.