My thoughts on…TomKat’s wedding
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes got married little over a week ago, and boy what a wedding it was. The Dark Lord of Scientology and his brainwashed pawn got married at a castle in Bracciano Italy. The little people of that medieval town were overjoyed that their humble town would play host to the union of these superstars, and would now be known world over, and people would no longer mistake “Bracciano” for some Italian dish. Guests included Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, JLo, John Travolta, Steven Spielberg, Victoria Beckham, Jim Carrey, Brooke Shields, Kelly Preston, J.J Abrams, Andrea Bocelli and others. E.T. was the best man, sporting his hot new Motorola V3 Razr to phone home. Lieutenant Uhura was the matron of honour, and Frodo was the ringbearer. The wedding was done (how else) Scientology style. The wedding ceremonies of the Hollywood faux religion bear a lot of resemblance to traditional weddings, with a whole lotta “WTF?” thrown in of course. Don’t believe me? Here are the wedding vows:
Tom said to Katie: “And do you ken that by the customs of our race you pledge to him, and only him, your kiss and your caress?” Katie responded: “I do.”
The minister then said: “Well, then, know that life is stark and often somewhat grim and tiredness and fret and pain and sickness do beget a state of mind where spring romance is far away and dead and yet for valour and for strength you must abide, create still his health, his purpose and repose. Do you?” Katie: “I do.”
Minister: “And do you take his fortune at its prime and ebb and seek with him best fortune for us all? Do you?” Katie: “I do.”
Minister: “Good, then. I am sure you will, and surer yet that you’ll fare well and staunchly as a wife.”
To Tom he said: “And when she’s older do you then keep her still? Do you?”
Tom: “I do.”
Minister: “Now, Tom, girls need clothes, and food and tender happiness and frills. A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice, if you will. But still they need them. Do you then provide? Do you?” Tom: “I do.”
And when it came time to kiss the bride, the crazy little dwarf man climbed three whole phonebooks and a stool to kiss his clueless B-list bride. The kiss lasted for so long it cause guests to yell, “Stop!”. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. And to conclude the festivities, Tom jumped on the wedding cake.
May they live happily ever after! Cuckoo or not!!
Tisha
Hehehe “The Dark Lord of Scientology” GOLD!!!
Wow. Getting snarky there Leon. Remind me not to throw in any WTF in my wedding if I am inviting u. The whole TomKat thing is nauseating. Suri is a cutie tho, ent?
Excellent post.
Sounds like you have been smoking some of Owen’s high grade skunk.
Am I the only one who thinks they both seem nuts?
Verily doth I giggle…
‘Celebrities’…rolling eyes….
Ok.. It’s official. You are pure unadulterated evil! How could you say that about the wedding of the year, the union of unions, the joining of Darth Cruise and his pawn. You ought to be punished scientology style
They are just plain sickening. My only concern is innocent, sweet, cutie patutie Suri.
Now how do you know the vows verbatim?? Perhaps you have infliltrated the ring??? Or worse perhaps you are actually one of them, helping to spread the propoganda……
I just want to know when the divorce proceedings start! LOL
Am happy for them & their baby. In a world of divorce, may they stay together.
Funny, hehe.