Categories: Entertainment

You know those Domino’s Pizza ads with Fudgems, the brownie mascot? Well if you don’t, here it is. Did anyone notice that he looks like a giant turd? I didn’t realize it at first, but the more I saw it, and the more it was exposed to the corrupting forces of my mind, it hit me, especially when he hugged the woman and her daughter and smeared the both with “fudge.” And they were both giggling like idiots, like being hugged by something that for all we know could be Mr. Hanky’s morbidly obese cousin was an everyday occurence. People seem to have figured it out by the second ad, as dozens of people were chasing Fudgems. Happy customers who wanted more brownies, or an angry mob who found out that the brownies Domino’s was selling them were made in a bathroom and not a bakery? You decide.

I prefer Pizza Hut pizza to Domino’s. Domino’s pizza is short on crust, toppings, sauce, just about everything that makes a pizza a pizza. And they keep coming up with these ridiculous promotions to get people to buy their crappy pizza. But Pizza Hut keeps making good, hearty pizza, and focuses on innovating it, to constantly delight the customer’s palette. But enough pizza politics. Is an antropomorphic brownie really necessary to sell brownies? I mean who hates brownies? Certainly not me. I never met a brownie I didn’t like.

But grossness aside, these ads seem to be effective, as they caused two teens to break into a Domino’s at 5 in the morning to, get this, bake brownies. What kind of self respecting criminal breaks into a store to play Betty Crocker? Well, you broke into Domino’s to get some fudge, and now you’re gonna get your fudge packed in prison. If that’s not poetic justice, I don’t know what is. The guy was found with a marijuana pipe. He was stoned? Really? I hadn’t guessed. Here’s a mugshot of the retards. This latest promotion won’t get me to buy their subpar pizza, especially with a cubical turd pushing it.

P.S. When I logged into BlogMad Tuesday night, guess what I saw?

Thanks to all the BlogMad users who voted for me!