Categories: Celebrity

Paris Hilton broke her one year vow of celibacy the other day, to the surprise of absolutely no one. (If only she made a vow of media celibacy.) When I heard the news, I was extremely pessimistic. In fact, I fought to hold back the laughter. Paris Hilton, whose crotch has seen more action than a WWII vet on the front line, remain sex free for 365 1/4 days? Her reason? “Just because I want to. I feel I’m becoming stronger as a person. Every time I have a boyfriend, I’m just so romantic, and I put all my energy into the guy, and I don’t really pay attention to myself.” Well, she didn’t, and her sacred vow lasted a full 21 days. Way to inspire those little misguided little girls that look up to you Ms. Hilton.

Paris, do the math, which I doubt you can, because you said you had sex with only two men in your lifetime. Three weeks is a far cry from one year. And when she broke it, she couldn’t help but ho it up, groping, grinding and finally getting it on in their limo with Blink 182’s Travis Barker, giving onlookers a grand show. I can’t blame her for breaking her vow prematurely. If she kept it, the media would forget about her, and being a ho is her only claim to fame. That and being filthy rich of course. Besides, she needed another STD to add to her collection.