Categories: Offbeat News

Yes, you heard right. A Masturbate-A-Thon. Yes I know, I was floored by the news too. Here’s the article for the skeptics out there. And it’s being held in the last place you’d expect. Not in the back of a garage, but in jolly ol’ England. I always knew that England was full of jerks. I guess since they can’t beat America when it comes to world power, they’re trying to beat them in perversion. Way to go Brits! Anyway, the event will be held today. There will be 70 participants, both male and female, whose efforts will raise money for charity. Finally, something good coming from those days of your misspent youth in your mother’s basement, armed with your secret stash of Playboys and your trusty bottle of lotion.

Five will attempt to break the world record, which is 8 ½ hours for a man and 6 hours 20 minutes for a woman. Wow, a man outlasting a woman. Don’t see that everyday. That guy’s got some explaining to do with his wife. No word one whether the guys will be provided with Viagra or Cialis, but one thing’s for sure, they’ll need a wrist brace and some ice afterward. How do I feel about this? I can’t tell you, because WTF doesn’t quite say it. They’ll probably have to invent a word for just how weirded out this makes me feel. So, spotted dick anyone?