My thoughts…on stuff

John Mark Karr, the alleged killer of Jonbenet Ramsey, has been found to be innocent, as his DNA does not match the one found on her panties. But he’s not off the hook yet, as he will be arrested on child pornography charges. My feelings were mixed towards the verdict. I felt sad that one of the world’ s greatest unsolved mysteries would remain so. but I was also happy that those media hounds got what they deserved. They tried and convicted him before he even entered the courtroom. You’d think they’d know better after what they did to her parents. I’m not saying he’s a saint, but he deserves his time in court, without the media preempting their verdict.

The media frenzy grew to ridiculous proportions. When he was on a plane, there were SIX cameras surrounding him. Are you kidding me? What’s he gonna do, rape a child, or blurt out “I did it?” Even when he blinked, a camera was there. It sickened me. Taking advantage of a child’s death for some measly ratings! Miss Vanzant was eager to represent him, probably hoping that the case would do for her want the O.J. Simpson trial did for Johnnie Cochran. I must admit that I was fooled by the media initially, as I was convinced that he did it. I guess people were so eager to find the killer that they ignored the chance of him being innocent. Well, now that’s over, the media can go back to covering Bush’s blunders and celebrities’ shenanigans.

Yesterday morning, I got up to the tune of my dad’s radio. It’s either that or the phone alarm. Anyway, the news was about four robbers that were killed during a gun battle with the police. These guys robbed a lecturer’s SUV, cash and cellphones. And if that wasn’t enough, they robbed workers at Chester Fried Chicken in Harbour View of their money, cash and cellphones. And these guys didn’t even wear masks! Have Jamaican criminals become so brazen? The cops were tracking their crime spree all the way, ending it in a gun battle that killed the crooks. And among one of them was seventeen year-old! Guess your career plans have been cut short, huh buddy?

My father and I expressed satisfaction at the officers’ work. It’s not everyday you can say something good about the police. You foreigners may say that the cops shouldn’t have engaged them in such a hostile manner. Well, you don’t know Jamaican criminals. They’re more bloodthirsty than those terrorists you so fear. And no, it’s not an exaggeration. They don’t commit violent acts for the sake of a people or religion, they do so to make people fear them and to make their hearts even colder. Serves them right. You’d think an SUV would be enough, but no, you wanted more. Burn in hell you brutes.

Pluto was demoted the other day, joining Ceres and 2003 UB313 in the category of “dwarf planets”, because its orbit overlaps Neptune’s, and just about everyone on this side of the solar system knew about it. The blogosphere was awash with posts about it. Many gave the planet their support, as if it was a P.O.W. or something, and all were pretty pissed at the decision. Personally I can’t see what the fuss is about. It’s not like it fell out of orbit and was hurtling towards Earth or it was blown up with a frickin’ laser. But I do feel Pluto’s pain. It was the underdog of the planets, being farthest from the Sun and smallest to boot. And, as if things weren’t bad enough, it’s been given the boot, and stripped of its planetary status. And what of the children? Textbooks and those dumb little rhymes that help you remember the planets will have to be rewritten, and those solar system projects will have one less papier-mache ball on their wire orbits. But cheer up Pluto. You are no longer smallest of planets. You are now largest of the dwarfs.

My second year of university began this morning. As I entered my first class of the new year, I expected to see some of my new classmates. But to my surprise, no familiar faces were in sight. I was shocked. I knew some of them would be mixed with the other groups, but not like this! I sat alone as my peers chatted way with each other. Unlike me, they had the good fortune of entering second year together. Lucky them.

Most of them seemed like idlers, and I have no time for that this year. In first year perhaps, but not this year. I really hope I’m wrong, ’cause if I’m forced to be in a group, I want people that can perform. Today’s classes were pretty pointless. The first and last classes weren’t held as the teachers didn’t show up, and the ones in between were simply for introduction’s sake. They’ll probably be like this for the rest of the week, the proverbial calm before the storm.

Osama Bin Laden is many things. Terrorist, Muslim, father, husband, “defender of the Muslim faith”. But he’s also a fan, and when he’s not busy plotting to destroy those infidels from the West, he’s busy rockin’ in his cave with his IPod to music from his favourite artiste, Whitney Houston. Yes folks, Osama Bin Laden, the most dangerous man on the face of the earth, has a crush on Whitney Houston. Aww.

So says Kola Boof, ex sex-slave of Bin Laden. She says he couldn’t stop talking about her. He had great plans for her, including giving her one of his mansions and making her one of his wives. He would say how beautiful she is, how truly Islamic she is but is brainwashed by American culture and her husband Bobby Brown. Well if you call being frail, rarely seen and in constant terror of your husband then yeah, Whitney’s islamic to the bone. He even wanted to have Bobby killed. Well if he did, it would do us all a favour by getting that damn reality show off the air!

She also said that Bin Laden also kept copies of Playboy. Naughty naughty Osama. Finally! A solution to the war on terror! Simply send Whitney into the hills of Afghanistan, singing “I Will Always Love You,” and wait for him to pop out of his little gopher hole. When he does, take him out. A lot more sensible than many of Bush’s “strategeries.”

This is my fourth Snakes related post, and by now you’re probably tired of reading about it. To you I say, if you don’t like it, get off my blog! No, wait. Don’t close the browser window! I don’t have many friends. In my post about the Snakes on a Plane phenomenon, I said I was one of the four that didn’t see it. Apparently I was mistaken. But you really can’t blame me. The blogosphere was littered with posts apologizing for important appointments because people were going to see the movie. So much so that I was convinced that everyone and their dog saw the movie. But when I saw the numbers, I was as surprised as my friend in the picture there. It got a cold-blooded reception. It made only $15 million in its opening weekend, barely beating Talladega Nights, and only because of its Thursday night opening. What happened? With all of its Internet hype, it should have done way better!

There are many theories. Some say its because the hype peaked weeks before, and by time the movie opened, interest took a nose dive. Others say people were laughing at Snakes, not with it, and never took it seriously. Some say the campiness that made Snakes a hit on the Internet killed it at the box office. And others say that Internet hype is an ineffective form of advertising. Well duh! It’s about as effective as spam and pop-ups. I think that many people do want to see it. They simply don’t have the drive to go the theatres and see it. It should sell well on DVD. As for the hype, the joke really did get tired. They should have released it earlier when the hype was at its peak. The R rating seems like a double edged sword. It might have isolated the youngsters, the ones who powered a lot of the hype. I think, because they’re the ones who can find time to engage in such silliness. But it might have worked in its favour, as the language, nudity and such really drew people to the movie. No way to know for certain which had the greater effect. But rumors of Snakes’ death at the box office are greatly exaggerated, as it still has a long way to go.

I came across a most interesting article the other day, which states that redheads have more sex, according to new research in Germany. The study by Hamburg Sex Researcher Professor Dr. Werner Habermehl looked at the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared them with their hair colour, saying “The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair colour, with more partners and having sex more often than the average”. Hmm. I guess that explains why Lindsay Lohan can’t stay monogamous. Hey, don’t quarrel with me. She said it herself. Guess the term “fiery redhead” not only refers to their hair, but their blood as well. He also said that women who dyed their hair to red from another colour were signaling their desire for a partner, even if they were in a steady relationship. So guys, if your girlfriend dyes her hair red, watch out.

Psychologist Christine Baumanns said that women may not be the ones to blame for the better sex lives of redheads (Yes Miss Baumanns. It’s the men’s fault). She said that: “Red stands for passion and when a man sees a redhead he will think he is dealing with a woman who won’t mess around, and gets straight to the point when it comes to sex.” I think this study may have an understated margin of error. He did study German women, and European women are some of the freakiest on the planet (not that I’ve had the pleasure).

The Snakes on a Plane hype has reached its peak, and the jokes are getting a little tired. So before the hype dies, I’ve decided to do a Snakes meme. Much of the movie’s appeal comes from its title. What if all movies had a similar title? This meme challenges you to do just that. Rename movies in Snakes on a Plane fashion. I’ve done three to start you off.

1. Top Gun - “Scientologist on a Plane”
2. Die Hard - “Perps on McLain”
3. Gigli - “Career on a Wane”

So what are you waiting for? Get crackin’ people!

Snakes on a Plane opened offically yesterday (though there was a 10pm opening on Thursday for the impatient few), and everyone jumped at the chance to see it. Dates, D&D matches, major surgeries, all were put on hold so that people could see the highly anticpated movie. And no, seeing the movie was not the reason I didn’t post yesterday. In fact, I was one of the four people who didn’t see it. I published a post on the Snakes on a Plane hype, but I didn’t explain the origins of the hype. Now, find out how a simple movie title sparked a cultural phenomenon. The title of the movie was leaked on the Internet last year, which built some buzz, even though the script and the cast were unknown.

People were intrigued by the absurdly simple title, and most wrote it off as a cheesy B-grade movie. I was one of them. But when people learned that Samuel L. Jackson was the star, and that he was carrying his badass attitude along with his luggage, perceptions changed and enthusiasm skyrocketed. Fans made parodies, flash games, movie trailers, music videos, versions of the script, EBay items, blogs, fansites, memes, etc. No surprise there. Add some of the most feared creatures known to man, an actor whose been in many of pop culture’s most memorable films, and throw in a painfully blunt title, and you’ve got a movie almost as ripe for parody as Star Wars. And to think, they were gonna name it “Pacific Air Flight 121!” If they did, people would probably write it off as another movie trying to cash in on 9/11.

But fun and joke aside, the title is brilliantly simple. It sells itself. What’s the title of the movie? Snakes on a Plane. What’s it about? Snakes on a Plane. What’s the tagline? Snakes on a Plane. With a name like that, you know what to expect. No surprises, no disappointments. In fact the name was the reason Sam signed on the the movie, and threatened to quit if they changed it. Not everyone was looking forward to Snakes though. Some protest that it might give terrorists ideas, and some of them have planned to boycott Snakes. To them I say, get real! Which self-respecting terrorist would stroll into airoprt security with a giant, hissing crate? And with the new security measures in place, I doubt a terrorist can even smuggle a cheese sandwich nowadays.

So how was the movie received? Better than most expected. Rotten Tomatoes, Yahoo! Movies and IMDB have all given it high ratings. Fans say it was far better than expected, and skeptics say it was so bad, so cheesy, that it was actually good. From all reports, people had fun seeing Snakes, because the movie didn’t take itself too seriously, so neither did you. Fans cheered at the snake deaths, jumped when that unexpected snake popped out of nowhere, and shouted along with Sam when he said his trademark line. All in all, a good movie.

I was gonna give this post a different title, but in the spirit of Snakes on a Plane, I chose otherwise. Anyway, back to the post.

Madonna. In years past, her raw sexuality, elaborate performances and irreverent use of religious and cultural imagery in her performances made her a superstar, and the center of many a controversy. Today, ehhh, not so much. Her last attempt to shock and awe was when she crucified herself on a giant cross, crown of thorns and all, in Vegas of all places, a few months ago. Can you say blatant attempt to cause religious outrage? Plus she compared Bush to Bin Laden, and seems to be competing with Angelina Jolie for the title of World’s Hottest Hollywood Philanthropy Queen, talking about the plight of third world children. But it barely raised an eyebrow in the eyes of the public. Undaunted, Madonna took her act to Rome, the center of Catholicism, performing for 70,000 fans, right next door to the Vatican. Bishops there were outraged. Vatican Cardinal Ersilio Tonino called it “a blasphemous challenge to the faith” and a “profanation of the cross”, and wanted her excommunicated. Mission accomplished right? Wrong. People still didn’t care.

In her defense, Madonna says she’s doing all for charity. Yeah, play the charity card. That’ll make it all better. Madonna, please, stop. You look desperate. You’re trying to offend a society that has become jaded and cynical. You’ve already destroyed everything that’s sacred. You’ve shocked us till we got numb. And you’ve got people like Paris Hilton to finish the proud task you started so long ago, by obliterating what’s left. Hope she gets the message before she performs in Düsseldorf Sunday, or she’ll further embarrass herself with this lame attempt to provoke the masses. But maybe we should cut Madonna some slack. Maybe she wasn’t trying to offend. Maybe she was trying to use the power of the cross to resurrect her career, or it was part of this whole spiritual journey she’s on. One thing I can assure you, Jesus is NOT a Madonna fan. But then again, no straight guy is.