My thoughts…on stuff

I love video games. Seriously, I LOVE VIDEO GAMES, though I don’t own a system. I can only get my video game fix by going to game shops and watching G4. Yeah, I know, I’m a poser. But despite this, I consider myself an avid gamer. I’ve played just about every major game out there, I know an insane amount of cheat codes, and I possess the ability to totally dominate at any new game I get my hands on within minutes. So I make sure to keep an eye out when any new consoles are released. I was especially looking forward to the Revolution, because Nintendos was the consoles I grew up with. But after the release of the Game Cube, my affections kinda strayed to the PS2. I know, I cheated. So! Don’t judge me! PS2 was younger and sexier. Just look at how the Cube let itself go! Plus it satisfied my gaming needs, which the Cube didn’t. After the release of the Revolution, I was hoping to reconcile our differences, and return to the brand that started it all. That’s why the name change from Revolution to Wii threw me for a loop.

The name “Revolution” was abandoned on Thursday in favour of the new, unusual name. Nintendo says that the name “Wii” is easier to remember, appeals to the gathering of people to play, and the uniqueness of the controllers. Gamers all around the world are expressing shock and disgust at the new name. I mean who can blame them? Revolution was a perfect name. It was bold, and tied in with the revolutionary controllers. Wii just sounds silly and immature, and is sure to backfire on Nintendo’s attempt to change its kiddy image. Sure, I may be overreacting, but would you love your girlfriend as much if she was named Gertrude? I thought so. I hope they wise up and change it back to Revolution before E3.

Spam, the bane of all inboxes. It has plagued mankind for as long as email has been around. Since I’m experiencing a bit of blogger’s block today, I’ll share with you one of my recent experiences with spam. Yesterday, I checked my blog’s Gmail account. The last time I did so was 2-3 weeks ago. I had a few messages, most of them blog-related. 2 spam messages got through Gmail’s Spam Filter. When I checked my Junk Mail, I was surprised to see that it had 94 spam messages in it! Unlike most people, I actually read spam, just to see what kind of half-baked schemes spammers are using nowadays to trick the weak-minded and gullible. I found the usual. Re-finance your mortgage, enlarge your organ, get cheap software, etc.

I expected the usual Nigerian scam, but it wasn’t there. Instead I found a variation to it, one in which the reader supposedly wins millions of dollars in some European lottery. How lucky. I also encountered a new one, in which a fictitious company wants you to invest with them, and they try to make themselves look like the most bullish stock since Google. Yes, I pay attention to the stock market, though I can barely pay my tuition fees. I also encountered some Chinese (or Japanese) spam. I was insulted. If you’re gonna try to rip me off, at least make the effort to put it in a language I can understand! Apparently spammers have a new trick nowadays. Since spam filters detect advert keywords in text, they are now inserting graphics with text into their messages. I smile when I see these messages, and wonder just how stupid you have to be to fall for one of those. Remember people, if it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

Fellow Trekkies, lend me your pointy ears! I bring good tidings! Turns out that there will be a new Star Trek movie, set for release in 2008. J.J Abrams, director of Mission Impossible III and creator of Lost, is on board. This movie will be the 11th in the series and will be about Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock and their early years at Starfleet Academy. Nimoy and Shatner have not been approached though. I wonder why they chose to make another movie about old school Trek? Why not one about Deep Space Nine, Voyager, Enterprise or my favourite, Next Generation? I guess it’s because veteran Trekkies are now highly paid computer geeks in tech firms, while n00b Trekkies are fanboys living in their mother’s basements. I guess that’s why Nemesis did so badly. It was a decent movie. I still haven’t gotten over Data’s death. Now if I could only explain Enterprise? Or perhaps its because the movies featuring the original crew made more money?

Whatever the reason, this attempt by Paramount to restore the once glorious franchise to its former glory may backfire. If it’s a winner, those predicting the doom of Star Trek will be silenced and Trek fans can rejoice once more. If it’s a stinker, Star Trek will be relegated to the scrap heap of sci-fi, a mere shadow of what it once was. I think that Star Trek is worn out, that Berman and crew have been stuffing so much Trek down the throats of fans that they simply don’t have an appetite for it anymore. But if they’re gonna go along with the new movie, I hope it’s the former.

The 2007 Cricket World Cup is upon us. I know, those who are non-English or from non-former English colonies don’t care. It will be held in the West Indies, and larger islands like Jamaica, Barbados and Trinidad and Tobago will be hosting. In Jamaica, there is a bit of contention over whether hosting Cricket World Cup will be profitable, as it will cost Jamaica approximately US$100 million dollars to prepare for the event, but the returns from the event are forecasted to be at US$9 million. The Opposition is blasting the Government for spending so much money on an unprofitable venture when there are more important matters that the money could be used to address, such as early childhood education.

The Opposition is also arguing that the contract went to Ashtrom Building Systems, a company that has caused nearly JS$3 billion in cost overuns on the Sandals Whitehouse project. They are attacking Government for awarding the contract to such a clearly incompetent company,saying that there are already problems on the Sabina Park project. There is talk that Ashtrom has friends in high places, and that Government awards them these contracts so they can get money via these “cost overruns”. I tend to agree.

In defense of their decision, the Government says Ashtrom won the contract fair and square, and the investigation into the cost overruns have not yet been concluded. And Robert Bryan, executive director of the Local Organizing Committee (LOC) for the ICC Cricket World Cup 2007, says that Jamaica will make at least 7 times the amount it invested. Let’s see.

The merriment of Easter is now over. It wasn’t so merry for me though, as I fell ill over the weekend. And yesterday morning as I decided to speed up my recovery with some good ol’ fashioned blogging, I found to my dismay that my blog was down! After spending hours troubleshooting, I finally contacted Blogger Support, and though they responded quickly, at the end of it all my blogging vibe was gone. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I have been keeping up with Tom Cruise’s antics for a while, and after the placenta incident (in which he said he would EAT the placenta of his baby), I am now convinced that he is either pure evil or completely insane. That’s right folks, Tom Cruise has fallen to the dark side. I know, my geek is showing. But if you allow me to elaborate, you’ll see why I’ve come to this conclusion.

After the original Sith Lord Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard died, the spirit of Xenu sought out new pupils to carry on the teachings of Scientology. He found quite a few, but they weren’t enough. He wanted the most powerful star of them all, Tom Cruise, the one that could make Scientology rise to prominence. So Xenu lured Tom to the dark side. He yielded, and rose as Darth Cruise: Dark Lord of Scientology (or whatever his Sith name is). At first he maintained a low profile (as low as Tom Cruise can anyway), quietly honing his skills. Then in Palpatine-like fashion, he put his master plan into action. In his quest to create a new, stronger generation of Scientologists, he chose Katie Holmes to carry his spawn to term. He made sure to involve Scientology practices in the child’s development. That, combined with his already fearsome powers, should create the perfect Sith Scientology apprentice.

You may ask, “Just how versed is Mr. Cruise in the ways of the dark side? Just how far has he fallen?” Well take a look above at footage from his appearance on Oprah. Oprah questions him about his relationship with Katie Holmes. Fearing that his plan would be revealed, Cruise attacks Oprah with a barrage of Force Lightning, laughing maniacally as he does and grabs her hands to prevent her from defending herself. Oprah is then knocked unconscious, and Darth Cruise desecrates her body by jumping repeatedly on it. Miraculously, Oprah survived the attack. That’s what really happened. Cruise simply used his star power to force an edit of the tape, just like he forced Comedy Central to pull the “Trapped in the Closet” episode of South Park.

What’s next for Darth Cruise? Well, his child was born last night (God help us all). Her name is Suri, which sounds a lot like Surrey, L. Ron Hubbard’s hometown in England. Coincidence? I think not. M I: III is coming and the profits from it will surely be used to further his sinister schemes. Next thing you know he enters politics in order to satisfy his lust for power. And why not? There’s a “Governator” isn’t there?

A while back, I published a post on the nude Britney Spears statue. I know a lot of you (myself included) were curious as to how the back end looked. While websurfing the other day, I found a picture of it. And here it is. But you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.


Yeah, I know how you feel guys. It has obliterated all desire you have for Britney, and I, like you, expected it to be more arousing than disturbing. And no, that’s not some sort of nut sac. It’s Sean Preston crowning. Now spend the rest of your day trying to erase this horrible image from your mind. I recommend using a bullet.

Oops! She did it again! Britney Spears is back again in the news concerning her parenting. Baby Britney fractured his skull after falling out of his high chair on April 1st (April Fools Britney!), but his parents didn’t think it necessary to send him to the hospital until April 7 after he was found to be sleeping more than usual. This makes him one of the few people that can actually say yes when asked “Were you dropped on the head as a child?” I mean why send him to the hospital? Babies fall out of their highchairs and onto their cranuims all the time! It happened to K-Fed and look how he turned out! Just kidding.

Tests reportedly revealed that he suffered a skull fracture and blood clot. First driving with him in your lap, now this? Further proof that those capable of reproducing don’t necessarily deserve to be parents. I worry for that child, being stuck with such incompetent parents and all. I think that even Wacko Jacko would make a better parent that Britney! And that’s saying something. Britney, please, leave Sean with Federline and go back to singing. He’s going to eventually become a house husband anyway, as his career isn’t going to go anywhere anyway. As hard as it is to believe, you make a better singer than a parent. On a personal note, finals are coming up, so I’m gonna have to beat the books. As a result, posting’s gonna decline. Happy Easter folks!

Easter is upon us once again, and the Lenten season is near its end. I still haven’t given up anything for the season. I thought of giving up blogging, but I wanted something more carnal. I can’t give up desires of the flesh because I don’t have a girlfriend. I thought of giving up procrastination, but I kept on putting it off. I thought of giving up chicken, but as all black people know, chicken for us is like Lembas bread for Elves. So here I am. The celebration is of course about the death and resurrection of Christ, but like Christmas, religion has been taken out and the Easter Bunny gets all the props. There has been talk about U.S liberal media and business launching a War on Easter. But it hasn’t gotten anywhere near the attention of the War on Christmas, mainly because you don’t get presents on Easter, aside from the disgusting smell that greets you once the Easter eggs go bad.

In Jamaica, the Easter bunny tradition doesn’t exist, so I was spared the impact of an earth-shattering lie. We eat bun and cheese and attend church services. That’s about it.
I was interested in how Easter is celebrated worldwide, so I did some research. I was surprised by what I found.

In Bulgaria they have egg fights. The winner is the one that emerges with an unbroken egg, and is declared the most successful for the year to come.
In Mexico they smash eggs over each other’s heads.
In Germany eggs are dyed green on Maundy Tuesday.
In England there is Hare Pie Scramble and Bottle Kicking.
In Greece, there is a public procession and a person with red eggs (so coloured for the blood of Christ) taps them together while one declares “Christ is risen” then the other says “Truly he is risen”.
In the United States they have Easter Parades, a Whitehouse Easter Egg Roll and of course the traditional Easter Egg Hunt.

How is Easter celebrated in your part of the world?

Just when you thought it was safe to leave your naïve but willing daughter in the company of sex-crazed teen males armed with video-enabled cellphones. Those who have been reading my blog for a while now will remember the whole Bluetooth Express fiasco. Those who haven’t, read my post on it. It has become my most popular post. It gets a few hits a day from Google. Of course, they are only people looking for an online copy of the video. Pervs. Anyway, If you were shocked then, baby, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Turns out there is another video out, this time involving a 15 year old girl formerly of Campion College. She now attends St. Georges. She performed oral sex on a young man from the same school after spreading chocolate and whipped cream all over his genitalia. The video was aptly named “Chocolate Surprise”. And it gets better (or worse depending on how you look at it). These videos along with others involving high school girls engaging in sex acts are being sold (can you say foreshadowing of Jamaican porn industry?) by vendors from $350 (approx US$5) to $500 (approx US$7.50). Plus the videos can be transferred to a customer’s phone for about $50 each (approx US75¢). And no, the “actors” do not get any of the proceeds.

Surprisingly, there has not been as much outrage over the Chocolate Surprise tape as there was the Bluetooth Express tape. Perhaps its because Bluetooth Express was the big shocker, so anything else is just more of the same. And it turns out that there is more news surrounding the Bluetooth Express fiasco. The young lady has returned to Jamaica under the quiet. In fact, she was even at Champs. And the Bluetooth Express video has been edited. The “Jolly wid’ di’ Lolly” song has been added, along with captions displaying her name. That’s messed up. Hasn’t she suffered enough? Her father, brother and just about all the male members of her family are hunting the boy down, hoping to right the wrong by what else, giving him a savage beating. There are also rumours that he went down on her first, and she told her friends about it. So he sent the video to his friends to exact his revenge, not for bragging rights as the official story goes. God! The moral decay of today’s youth makes me sick! Next thing you know you’ll see Jamaican girls on Girls Gone Wild. Can’t these girls take a cold shower or something?

Now that’s a movie I’d like to watch!