Categories: Celebrity

The Oscars have passed. The red carpet has been rolled up, the media hounds are chasing new stories and those fabulous dresses have been put away, never to be worn again. Despite that, some buzz still remains. But while a revered Hollywood institution was gearing up to honour Hollywood’s finest, another was dishonouring Hollywood’s worst. The Golden Raspberry Foundation held The Razzies on the 4th of March. You didn’t know? Of course you didn’t. Hollywood controls the media, and the media controls the masses, including you. Break free from Hollywood’s oppression! Fight the power!

I published a post earlier in the year about my predictions for the winners. Let’s see how they stack up against the actual results. Here’s the complete list. The “winners” are:

Worst Screenplay – Prediction: Son of the Mask
Winner: Dirty Love
Worst Director - Prediction: John Asher
Winner: John Asher
Worst Remake or Sequel - Prediction: House of Wax
Winner: Son of the Mask
Worst Screen Couple - Prediction: Rob Schneider and his diapers
Winner: Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman
Worst Supporting Actress - Prediction: Paris Hilton
Winner: Paris Hilton
Worst Supporting Actor - Prediction: Hayden Christensen
Winner: Hayden Christensen
Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets - Prediction: Paris Hilton and…Who-ever
Winner: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Oprah Winfrey’s Couch, The Eiffel Tower & “Tom’s Baby”
Worst Actress – Prediction: Tara Reid
Winner: Jenny McCarthy
Worst Actor - Prediction: Will Ferrell
Winner: Rob Schneider
Worst Picture – Prediction: Son of the Mask
Winner: Dirty Love

30% correct. Disappointing, but the winners deserved every ounce of humiliation. Unlike the Oscar awards, which will be prominently displayed on the fireplaces and in the award cabinets of the winners, the Razzie awards will probably be stashed in the basement or the garage, a source of eternal shame. So here’s to you Razzie winners. The rest of us can take comfort in the fact that though you may be rich, beautiful and famous, you can still suck. And suck hard.