Categories: Celebrity

Yesterday, the 78th Annual Academy Awards was held. This self-congratulatory event, the biggest on the Hollywood calendar, was chockfull of celebrities. They were there to honour nominees for movies such as Brokeback Mountain, Crash, Capote and a bunch of others you’ve never seen or heard of before. You have to give Hollywood some props. Most of the time it is a ruthless money making machine, but the vast majority of the nominees were low-budget films that didn’t make much money, but had strong messages. Millions tuned in, in an effort to escape their painfully mundane lives and capture some of Hollywood’s glamour. I just tuned in because I knew the world would be talking about it tomorrow. Plus I had nothing better to do.

I started my Oscar coverage by watching the red carpet show. What the hell was I thinking! How dare I disturb the laws of nature and watch something that all straight men avoid like the plague! I don’t care what Halle Berry is wearing, what fabric, what designer, what style. You know what I’d like to know? How to take off what Halle Berry is wearing! I don’t care how hot the celebrity is, the fashion review will kill any urge you have. And that old hag Joan Rivers doesn’t make it any easier. If you, a straight male, can look at a dress and identify the designer and form an opinion, you need to stop lying to yourself. You’re gay!

15 minutes into it and was overwhelmed by the need to sleep. When I woke up, I missed about half hour of the Oscars, including Jon Stewart’s performance. Damn! That was my main reason for watching. He performed as expected, professionalism mixed with humour. His political satire was also present, especially evident with the political campaign spoofs for the nominees. For me the biggest shocker was 36 Mafia’s performance and Oscar win. I tell you, the Oscars are getting blacker and blacker each year. I was also shocked when Brokeback didn’t win for Best Picture. Not like I was rooting for it or anything, but considering the hype I thought it would win for sure. And for the first time ever, I actually watched all of the Oscars! I wonder why. Maybe it was because I’m now going to college and can therefore stay up longer. Maybe its because I felt determined to watch it this year no matter how boring it was. Maybe it’s because I’m older and can therefore appreciate such an event. Nah! It was because of the theme. Black and white. Very nice.