My thoughts…on stuff

On November 23, 2005, the XBOX 360 officially made its debut, heralding the next round of the console wars. But the launch, called “Zero Hour”, was noteworthy in itself. For those with too much social obligations or too little money, we saw the spectacle on G4, and boy what a spectacle it was! Thousands of fanboys and fangirls from all across America and the world gathered, eagerly awaiting its release. This pale, scrawny, socially inept mass of humanity endured heat, cold, rain and exhaustion for days. One guy was there for 73 hours! Surprisingly, their sickly bodies endured. Fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, all united for a single purpose: to help Microsoft make another ridiculous amount of money. For many of them, it was the most physical activity they’ve done all year, and it’s a good thing too, ’cause once they get their hand on the console, only their thumbs will get workouts.

The fanboy elite gathered in the Mojave Desert in front Microsoft’s top secret launch venue - an airplane hangar. Yes, Microsoft spared no expense on this one. For the commoners, they waited in front of Best Buy stores nationwide. The Mojave event was more interesting though. When those hangar doors opened, nerd heaven was revealed, and the chosen geeks entered a world of blatant consumerism. The inside was awash with green light, and fanboys found plenty of stuff to nerd out on. Some entered a boxing ring, dressed up like monsters, mustering the remaining strength they had to beat the living daylights out of each other. For the less agressive nerds, there were XBOX 360 displays where they could sample the various launch titles, plus other goodies. But there was no lounge area. That’s okay, because everyone knows that the fanboy’s natural enemy is social interaction with the opposite sex.

As it got closer to midnight, the fun died down and people once again waited in line, exhausted but determined. At 12 midnight, the 1st XBOX 360 was sold to a young man hailing from Mississippi, who drove 36 hours to get to the launch. Congratulations sir, you have attained minor celebrity status! But each time an XBOX 360 is sold, your popularity will wane, until you sink into obscurity like so many American Idol contestants. All across America, Best Buy workers worked feverishly to feed the fanboys’ addiction. And so it began, XBOX 360’s first steps into the console world. Now with the coveted console in hand, these fanboys will return to their respective homes, where they will once again be slaves to both couch and console.