My thoughts…on stuff

Micheal Jackson. The name alone brings back memories of bizzare events. It seems that each time this man moves he makes headlines. He truly deserves the title “Wacko Jacko”. It’s hard to believe that he was once a handsome, spunky black kid with a great voice and a bright future. He’ll probably be remembered for his antics than his music. Personally, I’m tired of all the controversy. When I see his name in the headlines, I’m like, *groan* “What did he do now?”

Now he’s in the headlines once more, and no, it’s not concerning his rotting nose or child molestation charges. it’s his conversion to Islam and his move to Bahrain. He said he moved to Bahrain because he can “be rid of various legal troubles and enjoy the kind of freedom he does not have in America”. Hmm… I wonder what “freedoms” means? Is child molestation is legal there? It doesn’t really matter anyway, because he’s rich, and you can get away with anything in a third-world country once you’re rich.

The majority of Americans couldn’t be happier (another thing people gave thanks for). His brother Jermaine apparently encouraged his conversion. That explains his Anti-Semitic comments. He said that Jews are “like leeches”. Not surprising, because Islam is not the most tolerant religion. Everyone from another religion is an infidel in their eyes. Hope he doesn’t become an extremist. If he does, be careful when you go to the next Micheal Jackson concert - he might have bombs in his shoes and decide to use them. Talk about an explosive performance!

The XBOX, the console that threw out a million backs. It was the Godzilla of all the three consoles, perhaps that’s why the Japanese didn’t take to it too well (Aaah! It’s XBOX! Run for your lives!) In many ways the XBOX was a reflection of Microsoft itself: large, powerful, and intimidating. It did reasonably well in sales, being a newcomer and all. But with the release of the XBOX 360, it’s days seem to be numbered, and it is destined to be phased out and relegated to the console collections of nostalgic fanboys everywhere.

For those who have an XBOX 360, congratulations! If you’re rich, you probably made your butler fight it out while you continued rolling around naked in your pile of money. If you’re poor, you probably have to live on cup ramen and ketchup packets for the rest of the year. The rest of us have to hope that someone out there loves us enough to buy us one for Christmas, wait on the price to drop or buy it secondhand. But it was worth it right? While you’re enjoying your new XBOX however, did you ever stop to think about the what you could do with your original XBOX, instead of letting it sit in the corner gathering dust? Well here are a few ideas on how to use your old XBOX. You can:

• Use it as a wrecking ball
• Use it as an anchor
• Use it as a paperweight
• Use it for weightlifting
• Give it to charity
• Sell it on EBay

or best of all:

• Use it as a footstool while playing your 360

I hope these ideas will help you find new purpose for your old XBOX. If you have any other ideas, please post a comment.

If you don’t already know, Noriyuki “Pat” Morita, aka “Mr. Miyagi” passed away on Thanksgiving at the age of 73. Apart from the famous phrase “Wax on, wax off”, he was also famous for The Karate Kid movies. His excellent portrayal of Mr. Miyagi earned him an Oscar nomination, and the adoration of fans everywhere. This post is my tribute to that great man.

The Karate Kid movies were some of my favourite movies, because who couldn’t relate to Daniel, a new kid in a tough neighbourhood, who has to deal with bullies? Mr. Miyagi was wise, kind but tough, and had a unique sense of humour, exactly what an Okinawan karate teacher should be. His techniques were unorthodox to say the least. He taught Daniel karate by making him do chores, which, unbeknownst to Daniel, improved his karate hand movements. In time he became more than than to Daniel, he became a father figure to him, and to us. He was like the old Japanese uncle/sensei we never had. There were times that I wished I had a Mr. Miyagi to mentor me, and lead me along life’s path.

For those who saw The Karate Kid movies during our youth, seeing his face conjured up childhood memories, memories of a simpler time, before our lives were corrupted by materialism. He never quite got his props, but a least he got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1994. He is survived by his wife Evelyn, and three daughters from his previous marriage. So rest in peace Pat. You’ll always be our Mr. Miyagi.

I know, I know, I’m Jamaican and we don’t celebrate thanksgiving, but since its the season, might as well talk about it. This is the time of year that turkeys dread (at least its giving the poor chickens a break.) Every Thanksgiving millions of them are pumped up with steroids like any pro athlete. Wait, scratch that, not nearly as much. Then they are slaughtered in celebration of this holiday. Families stuff themselves to bursting with their deep-fried carcasses, and thousands of people burn themselves trying to create these wondrous feasts.

But not all turkeys end up on the dinner table. It turns out that this year is the 58th anniversary of the National Thanksgiving Turkey presentation, a tradition I was unaware of until recently. The National Thanksgiving turkey is granted a “pardon”, and is allowed to live its life in peace at Frying Pan Park in Fairfax County. The winners this year were “Marshmallow and Yam”, and will be taken instead to Disneyland Theme Park and Resort, where they will be part of the holiday parade, and serve as honorary Grand Marshals for Disneyland’s Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade. That’s a bit cruel though. Sure, it may look like an honour, but it’s like the KKK killing thousands of blacks and have two join their march. But who cares! An animal that will drown if it stares at the sky while it’s raining surely won’t mind. But I guess all the killing is appropriate, because the same Pilgrims who shared the first Thanksgiving with the Indians eventually slaughtered them, stole their land and destroyed their way of life. Some gratitude.

People like to say what they’re thankful for. They’ll say the usual, life, friends, family, health, possessions, etc. But I think most people will agree with me on this - I’m sure glad I’m not a turkey! So if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, still remember to be thankful. For those whose do, give thanks and devour your stuffed carcass like the greedy bastard you are. So, a Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! Watch out for bird flu now!

On November 23, 2005, the XBOX 360 officially made its debut, heralding the next round of the console wars. But the launch, called “Zero Hour”, was noteworthy in itself. For those with too much social obligations or too little money, we saw the spectacle on G4, and boy what a spectacle it was! Thousands of fanboys and fangirls from all across America and the world gathered, eagerly awaiting its release. This pale, scrawny, socially inept mass of humanity endured heat, cold, rain and exhaustion for days. One guy was there for 73 hours! Surprisingly, their sickly bodies endured. Fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, all united for a single purpose: to help Microsoft make another ridiculous amount of money. For many of them, it was the most physical activity they’ve done all year, and it’s a good thing too, ’cause once they get their hand on the console, only their thumbs will get workouts.

The fanboy elite gathered in the Mojave Desert in front Microsoft’s top secret launch venue - an airplane hangar. Yes, Microsoft spared no expense on this one. For the commoners, they waited in front of Best Buy stores nationwide. The Mojave event was more interesting though. When those hangar doors opened, nerd heaven was revealed, and the chosen geeks entered a world of blatant consumerism. The inside was awash with green light, and fanboys found plenty of stuff to nerd out on. Some entered a boxing ring, dressed up like monsters, mustering the remaining strength they had to beat the living daylights out of each other. For the less agressive nerds, there were XBOX 360 displays where they could sample the various launch titles, plus other goodies. But there was no lounge area. That’s okay, because everyone knows that the fanboy’s natural enemy is social interaction with the opposite sex.

As it got closer to midnight, the fun died down and people once again waited in line, exhausted but determined. At 12 midnight, the 1st XBOX 360 was sold to a young man hailing from Mississippi, who drove 36 hours to get to the launch. Congratulations sir, you have attained minor celebrity status! But each time an XBOX 360 is sold, your popularity will wane, until you sink into obscurity like so many American Idol contestants. All across America, Best Buy workers worked feverishly to feed the fanboys’ addiction. And so it began, XBOX 360’s first steps into the console world. Now with the coveted console in hand, these fanboys will return to their respective homes, where they will once again be slaves to both couch and console.

I know, I know, I’m posting this when the Episode III hype is all but died down, but I just got my blog, and I need to voice my opinion, what do you people want me to do? Anyway, I love Star Wars. Seriously, I LOVE STAR WARS! I want to name my first son Luke, just so that I can say, “Luke, I am your father!” One of my biggest fantasies is to be Darth Vader for a day. George Lucas in my eyes is the greatest filmmaker of all time. So you see I’m quite devoted.

When I heard about Episode III, I was happy, yet concerned. When I heard it was the last Star Wars movie ever, I got even more concerned. The modern Star Wars films were disappointing. Episode I was mediocre, and Episode II was good, but not great. But when I saw the ads, I knew it would be awesome. And so it was. It made $849,429,355 worldwide. It got rave reviews. It even made the cover of TIME. It was the big ending that Star Wars deserved. But why didn’t it win an Oscar, or even get nominated? People say it’s because of Hayden Christensen’s acting. Me, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because George quit all of the guilds (the Writer’s guild, Directors guild, etc) and this is their way of getting back at him. But who the hell cares when you’ve got mad money? Ka-ching!

After my grand proclamation of my blog’s birth, I am now ready to offically blog, so watch this space people. Sorry for the delay folks, I’ve been struggling with a topic appropriate for the first post. Don’t worry, I’ll figure one out soon, so visit often, y’hear?

Starting now, hundreds of people…possibly thousands, will be at the mercy of my ramblings. My opinions will be heard, or rather read, by people the world over. I want to shout to the heavens! MY BLOG IS BORN! My verbal assault on the masses begins NOW! And it will not be stopped.